The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999.
Sample Response
According to the results of the labor-force research published recently, the following conclusions can be drawn from it:
In March 1993In March, 1993, the United States hadUnited States had seven percent of itstheir workforce unemployed, compared with Japanwhich might not seem disastrous until compared with Japan, where 2.5% were unemployed. However, the unemployment rate in United States began to decline slowly after March 1993began declining slowly since March 1993, and reached the 5% markreached 5% mark in the early 1997middle of 1996. Japan turned out to be subject to the opposite trendless lucky, as their unemployment rate rose to about 3.4% over three yearsdoubled in three years. From then on, the unemployment rate in the United Statespercentage of unemployed workforce in United States continued to decline, reaching about 4.2% by March 1999remained roughly the same — about 5% until March 99, although there were minor falls and rises in the unemployment rate.
As for Japan, the percentage of unemployed fell rapidly by 0.5—0.6% after March 1996, but from summer 1996 and onwards it grew steadily and without any falls to reach 5.0% boundary in March 1999.
The major conclusion that drawn from the graphI’ve drawn using the graph, is that the unemployment ratethat number of unemployed in the USAin USA decreased by about 2.8 percentage pointsdecreased by about 2.0% in the course of six years, while in Japan it actually increased by about 2.3 percentage pointsincreased by 2.5%. As a result, in March 99, both Japan and US had about 5% of their work force unemployed.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is well structured and communicates the opposing overall trends clearly, using a reasonably varied range of language. However, several key dates and values conflict with the graph, especially the claimed mid-period changes and the final convergence at five percent. The highest priority is to trace each line accurately across the full period and verify start, turning-point, crossing, and end figures before drafting.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The broad fall in US unemployment and rise in Japan are identified, but numerous inaccurate dates, values, and trend descriptions substantially weaken the report.
Report the US decline to about 4.2%, Japan's rise to roughly 4.7%, and their late-1998 crossover, avoiding unsupported claims of steady movement or equal endpoints.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information follows a generally logical chronological sequence with clear paragraphing, although the opening is unnecessary and some details are unevenly placed.
Begin with a direct paraphrase and overview, then organise two detail paragraphs around the early and later stages of both lines.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for trends and comparisons, but subjective or awkward expressions such as less lucky, disastrous, and reached a boundary reduce precision.
Prefer neutral graph vocabulary such as declined, fluctuated, converged, crossed, and ended at approximately.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are used with generally clear meaning, but article use, agreement, punctuation, and noun-phrase construction show recurring lapses.
Proofread country references and quantified phrases, using the United States, its workforce, the 5% mark, and the number of unemployed people.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999.
Your response
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