Some people believe more actions can be taken to prevent crime, while others think that little can be done. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Many concerned parties today feel that crime has already been reduced as much as is realistically possible. While I agree this may be true in nations where security is prioritized over privacy rights, there is still tremendous progress that can be made globally.
Those who argue crime no longer needs to be addressedcrime no longer needs addressing point to technological innovations. This viewsituation is most apparent in authoritarian nations. SurveillanceSecurity surveillance can include the use of street cameras, digital tracking, and eavesdropping on private communications. For instance, in South Korea the crime rate in most urban areas is negligible and the average person reports little fear of crimelittle anxiety about possible criminality, in contrast to periods in the past when there were more instances of robbery, assault, theft, pickpocketing, and so on. These technological shifts have greatly aided law enforcement in prosecuting criminals, therebycriminals thereby also deterring potential offendersincreasing the deterrence of potential offences.
However, crime still exists and can be countered by addressing the deeper societal rootsdeeper, societal roots. The main cause of all crime is poverty. When individuals earn a wage sufficient to maintain a decent standard of living, the mainentire motive for most crimes disappears. The evidence for this is that in wealthy countries where there is a relatively even distribution of wealth, the crime rates are low and the police do not require draconian punishment or surveillance techniques. Beyond income, it is also possible to invest in improving mental health. Many people today spend too much time online and are vulnerable to extremist views. A significant proportionA still significant proportion of crimes could be eliminated by encouraging people to spend more time outdoors in their community.
In conclusion, though technology has greatly reduced certain kinds of criminalityhas reduced certain kinds of criminality greatly, it is still possible to lower crime rates by embracing a holistic, societal approach. The complete eradication of crime is likely impossible, and thereforelikely impossible and therefore there will always be a need to make progress.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response offers a clear, nuanced position and develops both perspectives through a logically sequenced discussion with sophisticated language. Its main limitation is that several claims, particularly about poverty and national crime rates, are overly absolute and would benefit from more qualified support. The highest-priority improvement is to make the evidence and causal reasoning more measured and precise while retaining the essay's strong structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed directly, the writer's position remains clear, and the principal ideas are substantially developed.
Qualify broad claims about the causes of crime and support them with more carefully framed reasoning.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses clearly from the limited-action view to further preventive measures, with effective paragraphing and referencing.
Strengthen the transition within the second body paragraph between poverty, mental health, and online extremism.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, flexible, and generally precise, including effective language for surveillance, deterrence, and social causes.
Avoid absolute or slightly overstated phrasing when discussing complex causal relationships.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is handled with strong accuracy and only occasional minor punctuation or phrasing issues.
Polish longer sentences by checking comma placement around participial and linking phrases.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe more actions can be taken to prevent crime, while others think that little can be done. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.