The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea. What are the reasons and solutions?
Sample Response
Human society develops at great cost towith a heavy cost on the animal world. A vast number of different species are being pushed to the verge of extinction. Rapid industrialization along with rampant illegal hunting are the driving forces behind such a tragedy, andtragedy; and ordinary people should workjoin with governments in an effort to protect wild, endangered animals.
By releasing massive quantities of pollutants, many heavy industries such as steel production and miningindustries such as steel and mining are inflicting tremendous damage on animals’ natural habitats. Forests which are home to wild animals are being cut down to make way for factories and fuel their operationsoperation. Furthermore, extracting oil from the oceanexploiting oil from oceans can lead topossibly leads to the lossunfortunate disappearance of many aquatic speciesmany kinds of aquatic creatures. Many incidents where large schools of fish are killed have happened in consequence of being exposed to chemicals and chemical waste from oil and gas mining rigs located out at sea.
In addition, many animalsa lot of animals are being poached due to an increased demand for products made from their body parts. In the wild, rhinos are illegally slaughtered for their horns, which are soldtheir horns which are sold at high prices. Although laws and regulations are implemented in an attempt to protect specificparticular endangered species, they do not seem to be effective enoughit does not seem to be effective enough.
There are, in fact, several ways to help protect wild animals. First of all, the expansion of heavy industries should be stopped by law to keep the natural environment for these animals untouched. Individuals should be made aware thatwell-informed that their unnecessary wantsneeds are a majorlarge cause of animal suffering, and hence, should refrain from using products made from animal skins or hornsanimal skin or horn. Last but not least, poachers should be strictly punished and more conservation areas should be establishedconstructed in order to shelter endangered animals.
In conclusion, humans are threatening the survival of many animal species when they expand their factories and hunt out of greed. It is imperative to put appropriate protectiveprotection measures, as I have discussed, into place.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its focused coverage of distinct causes and practical remedies, supported by relevant examples of habitat damage and poaching. Its main limitation is that some proposed solutions, especially stopping industrial expansion, are stated too absolutely and receive limited explanation. The highest-priority improvement is to develop more feasible, targeted environmental controls and show clearly how each proposed measure addresses a cause identified earlier.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses both causes and solutions clearly, with relevant explanation and examples across the response.
Develop the industrial solution into a realistic policy, such as emission controls or habitat safeguards, and explain its likely effect.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced, and each paragraph has a clear function within the causes-and-solutions structure.
Create a more explicit connection between each identified cause and its corresponding solution to strengthen the overall argument.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often precise, particularly when describing habitat destruction, pollution, poaching, and conservation.
Improve collocational precision in phrases such as conservation areas being constructed and unnecessary needs causing suffering.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is handled well, although occasional agreement and reference errors reduce complete accuracy.
Check pronoun agreement and reference carefully, especially where plural subjects are followed by singular forms such as it.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea. What are the reasons and solutions?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.