Shops should not be allowed to sell food or drinks that have been scientifically proven bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
People are more conscious ofabout their eating habits now than ever beforenow than ever. It is argued that shops should not be allowed to sell soft drinks and food items that have been proven detrimentalare proved detrimental to an individual’s health. This essay will discuss the possible reasons why a ban on such productseating items is essential for a long and healthy lifefor long and healthy life.
To begin with, the governmentGovernment should play an active role in regulating the content of every food producteatable item that is sold in the marketdumped in the marketplace over the years. Due to the rising population and the growing demand, a substantial number of companies are entering the food and beverage industrythe Food and Beverage industry. They are forced to sell products at very low pricesat a very cheap rate to establish a niche or gain market sharecreate their own niche or capture the market. Therefore, they use low-quality ingredientsraw materials of the lowest quality in order to survive in this highly competitive industry. Fast food items such as Chips, Frozen items like Pizzas, French fries, etc., and processed foods have high-fat content and are engulfed in low-quality oil. Additionally, soft drinks have high sugar content in all their goods. These are the main reasons for the increasing ratesnumber of heart attacks, obesity and diabetes in children and young adults.
FurthermoreOn the other hand, lower-middle-income people and those facing financial difficultiesthe lower middle class and somebody having financial problems may resort to eatingare bound to eat such unhealthy items as they are cheaper than healthier ones. Shop owners also earn high commissions fromget a high commission on these low-quality products, and to maximise their profits, they keep large stockskeep a pile of stock and encourage their customers to buy these itemsadvise their customers to try these items. A packet of fried chips or a can of a sugary soft drinka can of sugary soft drinks costs much less than a healthy sandwich or a glass of juice.
To conclude, the Government should ban these items or, at the least, levy an “Unhealthy tax” on food items or drinks that are detrimental to people’s health. Such steps will force the manufacturers to develop a healthier version, and the tax collected can be passed on as food benefits to the needy.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in presenting a clear case for government intervention and supporting it with relevant discussion of health risks, affordability, and retailer incentives. Its main limitation is uneven precision: the argument sometimes shifts from scientifically harmful products to cheap or low-quality food, and several word combinations sound unnatural. The highest-priority improvement is to connect every example explicitly to the proposed sales ban while using more exact, natural vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear supportive position is presented and developed with relevant health and economic arguments, though parts of the reasoning lose focus on the exact proposition.
Explain why each cited product should meet the stated threshold of being scientifically proven harmful, and clarify whether the final position supports a ban or a tax.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through distinct stages, with clear paragraphing and generally effective linking.
Replace “On the other hand” with a connector that accurately signals an additional supporting reason rather than an opposing view.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of topic vocabulary, but recurring imprecise or unnatural collocations reduce lexical control.
Use natural alternatives for phrases such as “eatable item,” “engulfed in low-quality oil,” and “keep a pile of stock.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex sentences with generally good control, despite several local agreement, article, and phrasing errors.
Proofread noun phrases and subject-verb relationships, especially expressions such as “the lower middle class and somebody having financial problems.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Shops should not be allowed to sell food or drinks that have been scientifically proven bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.