For some people, the ideal holiday is to get away from their normal routine by staying in a hotel or camping in a countryside. Others prefer to stay at home and do things they do not normally have time for. What do you think are the benefits of going away on holidays?
Sample Response
In recent yearsSince past years, holidays have been looked forward toholidays are looking forward to by many people. Whether it is going away from home or just staying at home dependsdepending on how a person perceives which one is ideal. It is believed that having a holiday vacation gives us many benefits. This can be shownThese will be proven by looking at how people can learn about different cultureshow learning different cultures and acquiring a relaxing and peaceful body and mind. Firstly, knowledge about different cultures will certainly be an advantagewill certainly an advantage for us. For example, during my summer vacation last year, I went to Singapore, and there I learned to speak Mandarin, their major language, in just a small amount of time. I also tastedI also have tasted their Singaporean cuisine such as a Singaporean sashimi mealsuch SG's Sashimi meal which I think wasa very different to Filipino foods. Thus, I becamebecome more knowledgeable about their culture which really benefited me. Another benefit is that a holiday can make our body and mind relaxed and peaceful. For instance, in Singapore where I spent my summer vacation, I saw the clean and green environment of the Pasiris Garden which gave me fresh air that was so relaxing. I also saw the beauty of the Marina Bay Sands and its surrounding water that was so peaceful. Thus, those new locations have given me peace and a healthy state of mindhealthy mind. This shows how having a vacation is such an advantage to me. In conclusion, vacations make us more culturally knowledgeable and give us a healthy and peaceful mind. These benefited us a lot. But an ideal holiday is not always travelling away from home, these benefits are often stronger when people travel away from homeperhaps we can get all these advantages by just staying at home.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response identifies two relevant benefits of travelling—cultural learning and relaxation—and supports them with understandable personal examples. Its effectiveness is limited by repetitive development, one-block organisation, frequent grammar errors, and a conclusion that weakens the focus by suggesting the same benefits are available at home; the highest priority is to separate the ideas into clear paragraphs and explain, in complete sentences, why travel uniquely provides each benefit.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the benefits of going away on holiday and gives two main benefits: learning about culture and relaxation. However, development is narrow, examples are personal and repetitive, and the final sentence weakens the answer by suggesting the same benefits may come from staying at home.
Keep the answer focused on going away and explain why travel gives benefits that staying at home cannot easily provide.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a basic progression from introduction to two benefits and conclusion, but the essay is written as one block and uses repeated examples from the same trip. Cohesion is sometimes mechanical.
Use separate paragraphs for the two benefits and make each paragraph begin with a clear topic sentence.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for a simple answer, with words such as cultures, cuisine, relaxing, and peaceful. Range is limited and there are several inaccurate collocations and word forms.
Build more precise holiday vocabulary, such as escape routine, broaden cultural awareness, recover from stress, and experience new environments.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent grammar errors appear in passive forms, verb patterns, articles, and sentence structure. Meaning is generally understandable, but accuracy is below the level needed for Band 6.
Practise forming complete sentences with a clear subject and verb before adding examples.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
For some people, the ideal holiday is to get away from their normal routine by staying in a hotel or camping in a countryside. Others prefer to stay at home and do things they do not normally have time for. What do you think are the benefits of going away on holidays?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.