More people are getting money and buying their own cars, do the benefits to the individual outweigh the disadvantages on the environment?
Sample Response
The paradigm shift has made it mandatory for everyone to have an automobile. Due to car culture, although people are getting immense benefits, they are damaging the environment and making urban areas congestedmaking the places congested. The benefits of having a car for everyone do not outweigh the damage to the environmentare not greater than damaging the atmosphere.
At the outset, in order to maintain the status quo or showcaseshowcasing their wealth, people are buying luxury carspeople are buying a luxurious car by spending an enormous amount of money. Though this leading trend has benefited individualsbenefited to individuals as their life has become comfortable due to travelling from place to place without difficultymoving pillar to post hassle-free; however, they are damaging the environmentdeteriorating their environment by overusing their vehiclesoverusing of their vehicles that emit toxic gases, and when these harmful gases are released into the airthese obnoxious gases release into the air, the air gets polluted. Thus it becomes difficult to livea hard nut to crack to live in a polluted environment as people develop various diseasesget infected from various diseases such as asthma, liver cancer, skin allergies, to name but a fewskin allergy, and to name but a few. ConsequentlyResultantly, it has deleterious effects on people’s health.
Moreover, to widen roadsto make the roads widen, many trees have been cut, and the places are getting congested, which is another cause of environmental pollutionthat is another reason of making the environment polluted. For instance, trees are able to absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygena good source of inhaling carbon dioxide and releasing oxygen; however, the absence of trees on the footpaths or alongside roads makes the situation worse. People find it difficult to survive in metropolitan cities, where there is a lot of pollution is great traffic congestion. Besides, now there is an imbalance between the seasonsno balance in seasons. Summer days are long than winter daysas opposed to that of the winter season. This has happened due to a polluted environment. So much damage to the environment is due to the proliferation of vehiclesproliferation of several vehicles.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear position and develops several relevant environmental disadvantages, with an identifiable progression from emissions to road expansion and congestion. However, the individual benefits are treated too briefly for a convincing comparison, and frequent awkward phrasing and grammatical errors weaken clarity; the highest-priority improvement is to develop the benefits more fully and compare them directly with the environmental costs in cleaner, more controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response gives a clear answer and develops relevant environmental harms, but the individual benefits and the required comparison are only briefly addressed.
Develop at least one substantial individual benefit and explicitly weigh its importance against the environmental disadvantages before confirming the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is organised into a position and two related body paragraphs, though progression is weakened by overlong sentences and occasionally mechanical linking.
Use shorter topic-led paragraphs and connect each supporting point directly to the benefits-versus-disadvantages comparison.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for the topic, but idioms and formal vocabulary are often forced or used in inaccurate collocations.
Choose straightforward, precise expressions and check common collocations instead of relying on decorative idioms such as hard nut to crack.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex sentences, but frequent errors in verb forms, clause construction, agreement, and prepositions sometimes strain clarity.
Build shorter complex sentences with one clear main clause, then proofread verb patterns, agreement, and dependent-clause boundaries.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More people are getting money and buying their own cars, do the benefits to the individual outweigh the disadvantages on the environment?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.