Some people think that charity organizations should only offer help to people of their own country. But others believe that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live.
Sample Response
Nowadays, many donation corporations and humanitarian organizations consider their own policy to assist their own nation or the poor living in other countries. Some individuals believe that these organisations must only pay attention to deprived areas inside of their country; however, others, includingincluded myself, believe that they are responsible for and should help all humans no matter where they live.
On the one hand, those who believe that all types of help must go tofor their own residents have their own reasons. One is that their citizens pay taxestax. To assist low-income residents, charitable organisationscharity sectors would be better advised to direct donated moneyare better to help the donated money, paid by their own people, to native residents rather than to foreignersthan the foreigners because their people pay tax and they should take priority over people in other nationsthey have priority to other nations. Another reason behind it is that this can positively affect the rate of crime. The more the poor are supported financially, the less they commit crimes. They have less motivation to meetprovide their essential needs in inappropriate ways, and citizens will have safer living conditionsa safer living condition. In this case, as local charities allocated a substantial budgetconsidered a remarkable budget for shanty areas in Tehran, the rate of armed robbery declined considerablydeclined far considerably, according to a local report published in a local magazine.
On the other hand, I personally believe that these organisations should aid all humans living in other countries similarly. The first convincing reason is that we are all human beings. Clearly, humans live onin one Earth and all are creatures of God; therefore, help should not be targeted at a specific community or societyto specific community or society. For example, when the Ebola virusas Ebola virus, a dreadful virus which propagated in Africa in 2014, threatened many poor Africans, all organisations paid thousands of dollars for this problem; as a result, this perilous disease was controlled induring less than six months. Had they not receivedHad not they been received this international assistance, more peoplemore other humans would have died. In addition, by helping other citizens, the United NationsUnited Nations will be backed up more. Obviously, every year, this sector spends millions of dollars on needy living all over the world. In particular, paying money for children who are suffering from malnourishment needs huge funds, which is paid by UNICEF, while if rich governments help poor nations, this organisation will be less under financial pressure.
In conclusion, although some may say that donation system must only support their poor dwellers, I think other nations should receive assistance because all humans are creatures of God and have equal rights to receive money, and this method can reduce the financial pressure of international organisations.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear position and develops both viewpoints through organised, relevant paragraphs with supporting examples. Its main limitation is imprecise language: frequent awkward collocations, article and preposition errors, and one malformed conditional weaken otherwise complex argumentation. The highest priority is to express each reason in more natural, exact wording and proofread complex sentences so that examples support the argument without grammatical distraction.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both perspectives are addressed and the writer's preference is clear throughout, with multiple relevant reasons and examples supporting it.
Strengthen the logic connecting each example to charity policy, particularly the claims about taxation, crime and international organisations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, contrasting body sections and conclusion, and its main ideas progress in a readily followed sequence.
Reduce repetition within paragraphs and break up densely chained explanations so each reason and example has a sharper progression.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a wide topic-related vocabulary, but frequent unnatural choices and collocations reduce precision and fluency.
Prefer natural combinations such as charitable organisations, people in need and provide assistance, and check prepositions in comparative phrases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a good range of complex structures, but recurring errors with articles, agreement, prepositions and clause formation are noticeable.
Review article use and complex verb patterns, especially conditionals such as the sentence beginning Had not they been received.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that charity organizations should only offer help to people of their own country. But others believe that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.