Competition for university study is becoming increasingly strong. Why are universities becoming more competitive? Is this a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
In recent years, it has been noticeable that the university entrance exams are becominguniversity entrance exam is getting increasingly competitive, and some have questioned why this is happening and whether it is a positive developmentquestioned why or whether this is a positive development. I believe there are two main reasons for this, and I don’t think this is either an entirely positive or negative phenomenon.
The first reason why gaining admission to tertiary educationattending tertiary education nowadays is more competitive than ever is due to the substantial investment by parents invast investment of parents into their children’s education. In the past, it was acceptable for a child to drop out of school to help with farming. However, most parents now want to ensure a better future for their childrenkids, so they urge them to compete for a place at the most prestigious university possibleslot in the most prestigious university possible. The second reason why universities are getting harder to get into is simply because of the growing number of high school studentsrising population of high schoolers. More universities should be builtshould have been built to accommodate this demand from futureupcoming generations. However, because the rate at which new colleges are openingrate of opening new colleges cannot compete with the rate of population growththat of population rise, children have to competechildren would have to compete against one another for college admissions.
Regardless of the reasonsreason for this development, I do not see this as entirely positive or entirely negativenor negative. On the one hand, there are some benefits to this. Future generations will be more knowledgeable than current generationsmore knowledgeable than the current ones. With an influx of fresh graduates equipped with high-level knowledge, the country can expect more technological advancesdevelopments. This can be seen from the growth of entrepreneurship in the technology industry. On the other hand, however, this intense competition will take a toll on both students and parents. More time will be spent studying for the exam, which can lead to deteriorating physical and mental health among high school studentsequates to deteriorating physical and mental health of high schoolers. Parents are also affected by the psychological and financial pressuresmental and financial pressure of finding tutoring centers and paying their feesfinding and paying for tutoring centers.
In conclusion, getting into colleges is more competitive due to children being more competitive and the population rising. Although I think this is a positive development for society, some measures are needed to prevent severe burnoutthe ultimate burnout.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay responds to both questions with a clear two-part structure and develops the effects of competition through relevant discussion of students, parents, and society. However, the stated position shifts from neither entirely positive nor negative in the introduction to positive with safeguards in the conclusion, and parts of the causal reasoning are imprecise. Establish one consistent judgement and explain each cause with a tighter causal chain.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes and positive and negative effects are addressed and developed, but the final judgement is inconsistent with the introduction and some causal links are loose.
Choose one nuanced overall judgement and show more explicitly how parental investment and population growth intensify admissions competition.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically divided and generally progresses smoothly, with clear internal sequencing of causes and effects.
Integrate shorter supporting claims more tightly so that each paragraph advances one continuous line of reasoning.
Lexical Resource
A broad academic vocabulary conveys the argument effectively, despite several awkward collocations and imprecise word choices.
Replace expressions such as vast investment into, population rise, and ultimate burnout with more natural, exact phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex sentences are mostly accurate and meaning remains clear, although a few structures and reference choices are imperfect.
Check conditional forms, comparison structures, and pronoun reference to improve consistency across complex sentences.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Competition for university study is becoming increasingly strong. Why are universities becoming more competitive? Is this a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.