In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to change the situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
A conundrum besetting young children nowadays is their declining health, including obesitythe declining level of their health, such as corpulence. Some people claim that authorities should be responsible for resolving this problem. Overall, I tend to agree with this view.
There are many fundamental reasons why the government will be better off taking such responsibility. To illustrate, as children will be the future workforcethe main body of future workforce, such health issues are likelylargely likely to incur severe repercussions at the social level, such as a labour shortagea shortage of labour force or a heavier healthcare burden on the governmenta heavier financial burden of healthcare on the authority. In this case, a smart state should take certain precautions to prevent the above consequences by stepping in and utilising its administrative power.
To cope with this issue, certain policies can be introduced to restrict the production of unhealthy food and to forbid relevant advertising targeting childrenadvertising targeting at children. In other words, exposed to mountains of junk food and related advertising, children, who are not mature enough to understand the harmsdistinguish the detriments of over-consumption of those foods, usually fail to either resist the temptation or realise that certain features and functions of the products advertised have been greatly exaggerated. Then, it is imperative for the government to protect those vulnerable children by introducing policiesissuing the policies or even enacting lawsenacting the law. Besides, it is due to increasing academic pressurethe surging study pressure that young students have developed a sedentary lifestyle. At this point, the government can also force schools to organise more outdoor activities on a regular basis for the purpose of strengthening students' physique.
However, that is not to say that such responsibility should be assumed by the government only. More accurately, parents or guardians should also make joint efforts, since the government can onlysince government can only put a cap on children's diet and lifestyle to a limited extent. In contrast, parents usually accompany their children, and thus it is more convenient for them to supervise and restrain their offspring from consuming too many fatty and sugary foods or collapsing in front of the television all day. In this sense, parents should also be involved to help children alter unhealthy lifestyles.
In light of the above, the government should be responsible for bettering children's health, and meanwhile parents should also get involved.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, nuanced position and develops it convincingly through social consequences, government measures, and the complementary role of parents. Its main limitation is occasional over-elaborate or unnatural phrasing, which sometimes makes otherwise strong ideas sound less precise. The best improvement would be to favour concise, idiomatic expressions while preserving the essay's strong logical development and varied sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is fully addressed through a clear position, well-developed justification, practical government measures, and a relevant qualification about parental responsibility.
Refine the discussion by stating even more directly how each proposed intervention would reduce childhood obesity and poor health.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used effectively despite occasional density in long sentences.
Break up the most heavily layered explanations so that each cause, consequence, and policy response is immediately clear.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide-ranging and generally precise, though several formal expressions and collocations sound strained or unnatural.
Prefer idiomatic choices such as 'obesity,' 'understand the harm,' and 'watching television' over unnecessarily elaborate alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with strong control, while a few article, preposition, and phrasing errors remain.
Proofread complex sentences for small errors such as 'advertising targeting children' and the missing article before 'government.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to change the situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.