In some countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that it is the responsibility of governments to solve the problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The rising prevalence of childhood obesityThe increasing rate of childhood obesity in various countries has become a serious public health concern. While some argue that governments should take full responsibilitythe government should take full responsibility for addressing this issue, I firmly believe that although government intervention is important, the role of parents and society at large cannot be overlooked.
There is no denying that the government can play a pivotal role in improving children’s health. Authorities can implement policies to regulate food marketing aimedtargeted at children, impose taxes on sugary drinks and junk food, and ensure that schools provide nutritious meals. Moreover, governments can launch nationwide awareness campaigns promoting physical activity and healthy eating habits. These measures can significantly reduce the consumption of unhealthy foods and raise awareness ofincrease awareness about the long-term risks of obesity.
However, placing the entire responsibility on the government is neither practical nor effective. Parents exert the greatest influenceParents are the primary influencers in a child’s life and have the greatest control over their children’s daily habitsthe most control over their daily habits. If parents continue to allow their children excessive screen timeallow excessive screen time, serve unhealthy meals, and fail to encourage physical activityneglect physical activity, even the best-designed government policiesthe most well-designed government policies will fall short. Furthermore, schools and local communities playFurthermore, schools and local communities also play a vital role in shaping children’s behavior. Educators must incorporate health education into the curriculum and provide opportunities for regular exerciseregular physical exercise.
In conclusion, while governments have the power and resources to tackle childhood obesity through policies and regulationsthrough policy and regulation, I strongly believe that the problem requires a collaborative effort. Parents, schools, and society must also be actively involved to ensure that children develop and maintain healthy lifestyles.
Why this response received Band 8.5
The response directly answers the question with a clear, nuanced position and develops a persuasive division of responsibility among government, parents, schools, and communities. The organisation and language are highly controlled, though some support remains at the level of plausible policy explanation rather than detailed evidence. The best refinement would be to deepen one example or causal link while preserving the essay's concise focus.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both government responsibility and the need for shared action are fully and relevantly developed.
Add one more specific consequence or example to deepen the otherwise convincing policy analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is exceptionally easy to follow, with purposeful paragraphing and cohesive devices that guide a seamless progression.
Vary the opening transitions slightly to make the progression feel even less formulaic.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and consistently appropriate for the topic, with strong control of natural collocation.
Replace a few conventional phrases with more individual wording while retaining the same level of precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled with excellent accuracy and control throughout the response.
Maintain this accuracy while experimenting with slightly greater variety in sentence openings and emphasis.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that it is the responsibility of governments to solve the problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.