The dangers and complexities of modern world have made mobile phone an absolute neccessity forchildren. To what extent to you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Nowadays, almost everyone possesses a mobile phoneposseses mobile phone. It is becoming an important tool for children's safetyfor safety of children, especiallyspecially with the new smart phones, but it also involves some drawbacks. Firstly, with a new smartphone,with the new smart phone parents can keep an eye on their children, where they are without calling them, as all these phones havehas built in Global Positioning System (GPS) location servicesglobal positioning system (gps) localisation. This will help to reduce school truancy. Although, the aplication can be disabled it will will give an indication, the system is off. Secondly, with the increase numbers of crimes such as raping, kidnaping in modern days, it is good for children to have a mobile phone if ever they are in such situation, they can transfer the news by mean of text messaging or authorities can locate the place. But, there areis some disadvantages. Children are not concentrating onnot concentring in their studies or listeninglisten to teachers, because they are textingas they texting their boyfriendboyfreind or girlfriend. They may not even doEven they are not doing the homework they are givenhomework given. As a result an increase in number of failures. This is harmful to children's futuresThis is not for children for their future because they need good marksas we need good marks to enter university or obtain a good jobfor university or good job. Although mobile phones have some drawbacksmobile phones haves some constraints, I believe it is very important for children to have one if it is not misused.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response communicates a relevant position and offers understandable safety and education-related reasons, with the GPS example providing its clearest support. However, it is substantially under length, compressed into one paragraph, and affected by frequent spelling and grammatical errors that weaken development and flow. The highest priority is to plan separate body paragraphs, extend each main idea with accurate explanation, and proofread basic sentence structure and agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A qualified position is present and the response gives relevant reasons on both benefits and drawbacks, but several ideas remain insufficiently developed.
Meet the required length by explaining fewer central points more fully and linking each example directly to the claim of necessity.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall sequence from safety benefits to educational drawbacks is discernible, but the single paragraph and several fragments weaken progression.
Use an introduction, separate body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with each paragraph organised around one clearly developed main idea.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic and includes some specific terms, but frequent spelling and word-choice errors reduce precision.
Proofread common topic words and practise accurate collocations for crime, communication, study, and mobile-phone use.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts subordinate clauses and varied sentences, but frequent agreement, article, verb-form, and punctuation errors sometimes strain comprehension.
Prioritise complete sentence boundaries and accurate subject-verb agreement before adding more complex clause combinations.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The dangers and complexities of modern world have made mobile phone an absolute neccessity forchildren. To what extent to you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.