Mobile phones and the internet are very useful. However, it is rare for old people to use them. What ways could mobile phones and the internet be useful to old people? How do the old people to be encouraged using this new technology?
Sample Response
Nowadays, mobile phones and the internet have become very common among individuals worldwideamong the individuals around the world. However, these facilities are not frequently utilised by the olderaged population. In this essay, we will analyse how the use of cellular phones and the webusage of cellular phones and web can help them to communicate and fulfil their needs without travelling. We will also discussAlso, we will discuss how designing user-friendly applications and phones can encourage such people to use them. To begin with, old people sometimes find difficult to travel a long distance. In this case, cell phones and the internetcell phones and internet can come to their aid by helping them to communicate with others without commuting. In addition, they can use these technologies for ordering foodordering the food or reserving their tickets thereby avoidingand thereby, will avoid standing in long queues. Thus, it is evident that these people can benefit fromtake benefit of these facilities to stay in touchfor staying in touch with relativesrelatives or family and even satisfy their daily needs. In order to motivate these people to usemotivate these people for using such facilities, companies should concentrate on developing easy to use web applications or phonesor the phones. For instance, they can develop a cell phonedevelop cell phone with a large keypadwith the big keypad and internet appsthe internet apps which provide information in their local language. In this way, old people will be able to understand how to use them and hence enjoy using themand hence, can enjoy their use. Therefore, focusing on the development of products which can be easily understood will encourage such people to use them in their daily life. In conclusion, communication will be easierthe communication will be easier for the aged people with the use of this technology. For achieving this, organisations should make an attempt to develop products which can be used by the older generationhandled by old generation. It is thus hoped that government will make some efforts in forcing industries to produce such products.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response answers both questions clearly, giving relevant uses for technology and practical design-based ways to encourage older users. Its main limitation is that the ideas remain fairly general and are expressed through repetitive, sometimes mechanical progression and frequent awkward collocations. The highest-priority improvement is to develop one encouragement method in greater depth while using more natural phrasing and clearer sentence control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are addressed with relevant benefits and a clear proposal for encouraging older users.
Develop how training, family support, or accessible design would overcome a specific barrier instead of relying mainly on product simplicity.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a clear two-part sequence, although linking is repetitive and the single-block presentation weakens paragraph-level organisation.
Separate the benefits and encouragement sections into distinct paragraphs and reduce formulaic connectors such as Thus and Therefore.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic, but frequent unnatural collocations reduce precision and flexibility.
Replace phrases such as take benefit, motivate people for using, and handled by old generation with natural collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the message, but article, preposition, and sentence-pattern errors recur.
Review article use and verb patterns, especially constructions such as find it difficult, encourage people to use, and develop a phone.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Mobile phones and the internet are very useful. However, it is rare for old people to use them. What ways could mobile phones and the internet be useful to old people? How do the old people to be encouraged using this new technology?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.