Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Living away from family memberskins is the only optionthe sole choice of certain people who need to worklong for working to make ends meet. This essay argues that the drawbacks are eclipsed by the benefits involved because despite potential emotional distressbreakdown, this practice ensures stable income and intellectual developmentdeveloped intellectual faculties.
The idea of looking for employment in an unfamiliar place can be disadvantageous in terms of the mental distress that individuals may suffer. Obviously, tremendous pressure from work and a lack of support from all relatives resulted in the tendency of hiding one's inner feelings, whose long-term effect would do more harm than good to his or her mental health. An extreme example of this is the alarming rate of Japanese young adults committing suicide since they are usually overwhelmed by heavy workloads but have no companion to confide in.
Notwithstanding the aforementioned arguments, I would argue that the benefits of being job-seekers to living far away from their homeland are of greater importance partly because of decent earnings and partly because of chances to grow. With regard to the former, this relocation provides greatermore opportunities for workers to be employed in their preferredfavorable fields and suitable positions. Thus, they would probably be offered competitive salaries and attractivegood benefits. Concerning the second advantage, relocating for workchanging temporary residence according to workplace providesoffers frequent exposure to unique local cultures and customslocal unique culture and customs. There is a high possibility that this practice would likely enhance one's mentality and broaden his or her horizons as well.
To recapitulate, although some people may experience mental distresswithstand mental suffering when not living nearin close proximity to families and friends to find workfor the sake of searching for a source of livelihood, this practice provides individuals with financialwage stability, and ample opportunities for advancementto be advanced. Therefore, I hold the belief that the advantages of this trenddevelopment clearly overshadow the drawbacksdrawbacks involved.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear comparative position and organizes relevant advantages and a disadvantage into a logical argument. Its main weakness is persistent awkward or imprecise phrasing, with several grammatical constructions sounding unnatural despite remaining understandable; prioritise idiomatic collocations and cleaner sentence structures so that the otherwise solid development is communicated more accurately and convincingly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained, and both the principal disadvantage and two advantages are relevantly explained.
Develop the causal links more critically, especially where relocation is assumed to guarantee better pay or broader personal growth.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through a clear introduction, contrasting body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion.
Use less formulaic signposting and make links between claims and supporting details more natural.
Lexical Resource
A broad vocabulary supports the argument, but recurring awkward collocations and imprecise choices reduce naturalness.
Replace expressions such as “developed intellectual faculties” and “enhance one's mentality” with precise, idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A useful range of complex structures is attempted, although recurring errors in tense, modification, and sentence construction affect control.
Prioritise accurate clause relationships and review complex sentences for clear subjects, antecedents, and verb forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.