Many old cities around the world are going through a major process of modernization. What are the advantages and disadvantages of modernization?
Sample Response
Nowadays, the expansion of urban areasexpansion of urban areas has made tremendous changes in cities. Having better transport systems or modern constructions has led citizens to have better living conditionsa better living condition. However, I believe that these changes have caused people to face two obvious challenges.
On the one hand, advancements in heritage citiesadvancements occurred in heritage cities have had two important benefits. One is that dwellers have access to better transport facilities. By improving roads or public transportation, governments can help people travelImproving roads or public transportation, they can travel faster from one place to anotherfrom one place to the other place. In particular, in Rome, which is an old capital city in Italy, the extension of rail system has madecreated this city a better place for inhabitants or tourists travelling from other countries because they can reach their destination far simpler than before. Another positive effect is access to better housingaccessing a better housing. Using the state-of-the-art designs in buildings, individuals have a better feeling and higher quality of lifestyle. For example, had not high-rise buildings been developed in Tehran, citizens living there would not have enjoyed the latest modern technologies installed inside themtechnologies of modern systems installed in their inside, including elevators or indoor pools.
On the other hand, the drawbacks of these modifications should not be forgotten, and I believe that the negative consequences have been more significantpivotal. The first reason behind it is that the cultural values of these regions may be forgottencultural values of these regions have been forgotten. Obviously, ruining historic places and constructing skyscrapers or other novel modernised constructions can prevent people from remembering their ancestorscause people to not remind their ancestors and what their habits were. For instance, in Isfahan, a heritage city in the middle of Iran, the growth of shopping mallsgrowing of shopping malls has led the old buildings to be demolished. These buildings had precious ancient window designs, which were well-known to many Iranians. Furthermore, this transformation has increased the level of pollutants in cities. Admittedly, having a more luxuriousluxury lifestyle and using more energy, more waste materials are produced by city-dwellers, leading them to live in a lower-standard conditionslower standard condition. In this case, only in New York, just over 20 thousand New Yorkers die due to toxic air pollutants annually; however, had not this city developed so fast, more people would have survivedmore people would have been survived.
In conclusion, in our modern era, some historic locations are transformed into high-tech citieschanged to high-tech cities. From my perspective, the negative effects of these changes can outweigh the benefits because of cultural and environmental concerns.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response considers both benefits and drawbacks, sustains a clear position, and supports its discussion with relevant city-based examples in a logical structure. Its main limitation is that some claims are insufficiently supported and expressed through awkward, overlong sentences; strengthen the cause-and-effect explanation for each point, then use shorter constructions and more natural collocations to make the argument precise and convincing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of modernising old cities and gives a clear view that disadvantages outweigh benefits. Examples are relevant, although some claims need more careful support.
Develop each advantage and disadvantage with a clearer explanation of how modernisation causes the effect.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical four-paragraph structure and clear contrast between benefits and drawbacks. Some internal links are awkward, and several sentences are too long.
Use shorter sentences and clearer cause-effect transitions within each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is relevant and varied, including heritage cities, transport facilities, high-rise buildings, cultural values, and pollutants. Some collocations are unnatural or inaccurate.
Use natural phrases such as modernisation in historic cities, improved transport, access to better housing, cultural heritage, and air pollution.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts advanced structures, including conditionals, but errors in articles, verb forms, noun phrases, and passive structures are frequent.
Check article use before singular nouns and simplify conditional sentences that become grammatically strained.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many old cities around the world are going through a major process of modernization. What are the advantages and disadvantages of modernization?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.