Young people are often influenced in their behaviours by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?
Sample Response
The peer group tends to influencetends to exert influence on the way teenagers behave. While many believe that the influence of peers is immensely important, others argueopine that peer influence has obvious drawbacksit has its obvious drawbacks. I believe that the benefits of peer pressurethe benefits peer pressure brings outweigh the disadvantages because it can instil a positive attitude towards education, despite the primary drawback, namely substance use and similar harms it may causesubstance use, or so on it may cause.
UndoubtedlyWithout any doubt, the influence of peers can inspire young people to developbuild positive behaviours, make good choices, and strive for academic excellence. When friends place emphasis on education and academic performance, it can exert a positive impact on young people's attitudesthe young’s attitude toward learning. In fact, students who maintain a circle of diligent friendsa friend circle who are diligent students may feel a strong motivation to study diligently. Take my brother’s case for example. He works harder to obtain good marks in exams because his friends are determined to achieve academic excellence. They possess a solid work ethic, and now so does he.
However, peer pressure can also exert influence on young people to engage in deviant behaviours. It may make young adults feel obliged to take on bad habits like substance abuse to feel like they are part of the circle and not labelled boring or weaknot levelled as boring or weak. For example, if a group of friends get involved in substance abuse, underage drinking, and delinquent activities, a child may feel obligated to conform to these behaviours to avoid exclusion.
Considering all these, I would like to mention that there is no concrete evidence to endorse the view that peer pressure is the primary reason for unacceptable behaviours and substance abuse. There are other factors, like genetics, mental health issues, and social influences, that play a profound role in this case.
To reiterate, the fact that peer pressure can encourage to conform to a positive attitude toward learning clearly outweighs the flawed argument that it can influence young people to develop delinquent behaviour and bad habits.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear comparative position and supports both sides with relevant examples, especially the detailed account of positive academic influence. Its main limitation is that the claim that peer pressure is not the primary cause of misconduct is asserted rather than developed and slightly distracts from the requested weighing of advantages against disadvantages. Prioritise deeper comparison of the relative scale and likelihood of each effect while polishing several awkward collocations and sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained, and both advantages and disadvantages are relevantly developed with examples.
Compare the relative significance of the two sides more explicitly instead of introducing an undeveloped claim about other causes of misconduct.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through the two sides and conclusion, with clear paragraph-level organisation.
Integrate the short fourth paragraph more directly into the comparative argument so that it advances rather than interrupts the progression.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally appropriate, but several imprecise or awkward collocations reduce naturalness.
Use more idiomatic combinations, such as being labelled boring and adopting a positive attitude towards learning.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A useful range of complex structures is evident, although recurring errors in clause construction and complementation affect accuracy.
Check complex sentences for complete clause relationships and verb patterns, particularly constructions such as encourage someone to do something.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Young people are often influenced in their behaviours by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.