People should look after their health for personal benefits, rather than a duty for a society. What extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It has been argued that people today should care for their healthown personal health purely to enjoy the benefits of good healthpersonal benefits that are gained from having good health, rather than as a duty to others in their society. Personally, I believePersonally I believe that people should take good care of their health not only to reap the associated benefits, but also as a way of helping to improveuplift the lives of the citizens within their own cities and countries.
Many people claim that the secret to a happy life lies in achievingsecret to a happy life is through achieving and maintaining good health, and I also stand by this notion. When someone experiences good physical and mental health, theymental health they are able to enjoy their life to the fullest. Good health allows people to pursue their hopes and dreams and enjoy meaningfulhuman relationships with family and friends. Without good mental and physical health, these ideals are difficult to attain.
Today,In addition to this, today, people are suffering from mental and physical illnessesmental and physical sickness and diseases more than ever beforemore so than ever before. This, in turn, places a heavy burden oncauses a heavy load on a country’s healthcare industry and imposes large financial burdens oncauses large financial burdens to the country’s national budget, which comes at the cost of the tax paying citizens. If people were to look after their health better, it would reduce such financial burdens and the money could then be spent on other services that would improve quality of life for societybenefit the quality of life for the society as a whole.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that all people should strive to achieve and maintain the best possible healththe highest levels of health possible not only so that they can be happy and enjoy their own liveslife, but also so that they can contribute to a happier and healthiercontribute towards a more happy and healthy society around them.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear, consistent position and develops two relevant strands: personal well-being and reduced pressure on public healthcare. Its main limitation is that the personal-benefit argument remains fairly general and some phrasing is repetitive or awkward. The strongest improvement would be to deepen each point with a more specific causal example while tightening collocations and avoiding repeated references to health, happiness, and society.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and both personal and societal benefits are relevantly developed, though the first strand remains somewhat general.
Support the personal-benefit argument with a specific example that shows how better health changes an individual's opportunities or daily life.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with cohesion handled smoothly.
Make the link between the two body arguments even sharper by explicitly framing them as individual and collective consequences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and appropriate overall, but repetition and awkward combinations such as references to sickness and financial burdens reduce precision.
Use more precise collocations and replace repeated words such as health, people, and happy with contextually accurate alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentences is used with strong control, while minor punctuation, comparison, and reference issues remain.
Proofread for small form and reference problems, especially comparative forms, introductory commas, and pronoun antecedents in conditional sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People should look after their health for personal benefits, rather than a duty for a society. What extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.