Some people say that schools do not make enough efforts to teach young people to look after their health and they add that schools should take health education more seriously. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is rightly said that health is wealth. Some people sayfew of people tell that schools are not making sufficient efforts to teach studentsteach the students to take care of their health. In addition, they claim that health educationeducation for health should be taken seriouslytaken under serious consideration. I moderately agree with this as there are two sides to this phenomenon which is explained in this essay.
Admittedly, schools and other educational institutions have a setdefined syllabus to complete in a year, which itselfcomplete in a year which itself is a tedious job. Furthermore, it is hard to teach toddlersdeal with toddlers as they do not generally follow the instructions of their teachers. Society, on the one handon one hand, expects students to study; on the other hand, it does not wantthey do not want to see students living a sedentary life. Therefore, schools have also introducedschools also have introduced a perioda period of time in which students are allowed to play. Though in the UK, many schools complain that these kids do not like to play in the mud, they rather like to seat in the computer room to explore social media. Thus, in my view, schools have to look after many things and parents are also equally responsible for providing such knowledgeresponsible to give such knowledge to their childreninfants.
From another perspectiveIf I see from the other perspective, pre-primary schools play a vital role in the upbringing of children. Most of the time, parents have little spare timedo not get spare time due to their busy work schedules and they expect schools to provide health educationgive insights about health. They rightly believe that the education ministry must introduce toddlers to traditional games in order to keep their bodiesbody fit and fine. Additionally, schools can also arrange sports days in which students can participate and get rewards. Parents should also encourage their children to take partParents should also encourage to take part in such sports competitions. In this way, schools and parents can contribute in highlighting the young talents of their town at both national and international levelsnot only to the nation but also to the international level. In recent years, when children are inclined towards fast food, it is not enough to just teach names of various vegetables. Instead, parents and teachers should teach them the advantages of healthy eating which would be ultimately beneficial for the entire community.
To conclude, I believe that giving education about health is the responsibility of parents as well as schools. Hence, they should work together to create a bright and healthy futuremake a bright and healthy living for their children.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a recognisable position and offers a reasonably balanced discussion of schools' constraints and their role alongside parents, supported by several relevant examples. Its main limitation is uneven focus, as parts of the argument drift toward talent promotion rather than health education, while frequent awkward wording and grammatical errors reduce precision; the priority is to keep every example tied to the question and edit sentence structures and collocations more carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the issue and maintains a qualified view, but some development becomes tangential or only partly relevant.
Keep examples centred on how seriously schools should treat health education and explain how each example supports the stated position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and overall progression are clear, though some transitions are mechanical and several internal links between ideas are loose.
Build each body paragraph around one controlling claim and connect every supporting sentence directly to that claim.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of topic vocabulary and some less common items, but imprecise word choices and collocations recur.
Use more natural combinations for ideas such as providing health knowledge, encouraging participation, and creating a healthy life.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex forms are attempted, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, word forms, and sentence construction reduce control.
Proofread for complete clause structures and correct patterns after verbs, especially in sentences using 'encourage,' 'contribute,' and relative clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that schools do not make enough efforts to teach young people to look after their health and they add that schools should take health education more seriously. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.