In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?
Sample Response
In recent years, the change in spending money to buy people's needs has occurred dramatically. As a result, it always will be a controversial topic whether it is a bad or positive trend relating to the shopping habit which has become a routine task and even a hobby. This essay, as my point of view, leads to, will try to come up with several considerations as I believe that an intermediate position can be taken relating to this issue.
Shopping, from an opposing perspectivethat contradicts the topic regards, is a "nightmare" because its impacts arethe impacts which are dire and& inevitable. Consumerism, in some ways, contributes harmful effectsbad things to societythe society as well as the civilisations. People who overspendovercapitalize their money can spend their incomerevenues on unnecessary itemsin nothing and as a result, they struggle to managesuffer in managing their financesfunding and try to borrow a big amount of money for just their basic needs. Psychologists argue that addiction in shopping which creates consumeristconsumerism behaviour can lead to several serious criminal consequencescriminal dire effects such as robbery and stealing.
However, without shopping and its related activities, governmentsrelating things governments will face the problem in controlling the economy. The thing which can grow the gross domestic productGross Domestic Products indicator is expenditureexpenditures, especially the private one. Without an increase in this indicatorWithout increasing in this indicator, there will be severe implications which economists callwhich the economist called unemployment. The improvement of spending money indicates that people in the country are wealthy and also projects the prosperity of the nation which influences the corporations to produce products in high quantity as well as high quality. Throughout this trend, the employers will try to provide immense chances for people to get their job in the corporations. As consequences, spending in buying products, even it is a hobby or not, with larger portions helps economy matters indirectly.
To sum up, having considered the discussion above, I believe it will always create both positive and negative impacts, but shopping habit can be useful if the shoppers expend their money wisely.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a recognisable balanced structure and gives reasons for both the harmful and beneficial effects of shopping as a hobby. Its main limitation is that several claims drift toward spending in general, while frequent awkward word choices and sentence constructions obscure otherwise relevant ideas. The highest-priority improvement is to make each paragraph directly evaluate the hobby trend using precise, natural language and clearly reasoned support.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response considers both sides and reaches a qualified position, but some development concerns consumer spending generally rather than shopping specifically as a hobby.
Keep every supporting claim tied to whether treating shopping as a leisure activity is positive, and explain the causal links more carefully.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure creates a clear overall progression, although some long sentences and imprecise referencing weaken connections within ideas.
Organise each body paragraph around one explicit claim and use shorter linking sentences to show how each example supports it.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a wide range of topic vocabulary, but frequent unnatural collocations and misused words sometimes make the argument difficult to follow.
Prioritise accurate common expressions for spending, debt, employment, and economic growth instead of forcing less familiar vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex forms, but recurring errors in articles, agreement, prepositions, and clause construction reduce clarity.
Rewrite the longest sentences with clear subjects and verbs, then check articles and agreement in every clause.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.