Every year an increasing number of students choose to go to another country for their higher education. Do you think the benefits of this development outweigh the problems associated with it?
Sample Response
The past twenty years have seen a dramatic change inof the number of students who go abroad to begin college in China. In this essay, I will explore the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.
HoweverOn the other hand, there are also disadvantagesdisadvantages too. Firstly, it costs people a lot of money to study at universities abroadmoney to begin college in foreign countries. Many families have to use all their savingstake out all their savings to support their children's studies abroadsupport their children to go abroad. Secondly, some students cannot stand the big difference of the new environment, they maybe quit their study and come back home.
To conclude, given the indisputableundisputable fact that studying abroad helpsthat to begin college in foreign countries helps students with their studies and promotes mutual understandingthe mutual understanding between countries, even if there are some drawbacks, I think the benefits outweigh the problems.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response states a clear final position and gives two understandable disadvantages, using some appropriately formal vocabulary. However, at only 132 words it omits any developed discussion of the claimed benefits, so the comparison required by the question is largely unsupported. The priority is to add a full benefits paragraph, develop both sides with reasons or examples, and explicitly compare their relative importance.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear opinion is stated, but the response is substantially under length and develops only disadvantages while merely asserting the benefits in the conclusion.
Develop at least one substantial advantage and compare it directly with the financial and adaptation problems before reaching the final judgement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The short response has recognisable paragraphing and basic sequencing, but 'On the other hand' lacks a preceding contrasting argument and progression is incomplete.
Use a complete four-paragraph progression in which each body paragraph develops one side and the conclusion follows from that comparison.
Lexical Resource
There is some useful topic vocabulary, but the limited response and awkward combinations such as 'change of the number' restrict flexibility and precision.
Expand the range of accurate education-related collocations and replace unnatural phrases with forms such as 'increase in the number' and 'study abroad.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and some complex structures communicate the main meaning, though agreement, word-form, punctuation, and sentence-boundary errors occur noticeably.
Review clause boundaries and verb forms, especially comma splices and constructions such as 'they may quit their studies.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Every year an increasing number of students choose to go to another country for their higher education. Do you think the benefits of this development outweigh the problems associated with it?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.