Some educators believe that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Many teachers feel that learning to play a musical instrument is an indispensable part of a student’s education. In my opinion, there are socioeconomic concerns about this proposalconcerns with this tenet but teaching every child an instrument is still advisable overallit is still advisable overall.
Detractors can easily argue that not every childargue not every child has access to the supportive environment required to learn an instrument. Firstly, a family might not have enough money if a child wants to learn the pianolearn piano or buy a quality guitar. There are also related expenses, including feesrelated expenses that include the fees for private lessons and other equipment. In additionAdded to this, they will need their parents to have enough time to drive them to and from rehearsals and recitals. At home, the entire family will have to listen to them practice and this could cause tensionthis could be contentious if there are a lot of people living in one home or a child shares their room with siblings or relatives. All these factors affect underprivileged children and place them at a distinctdecided disadvantage.
Nonetheless, the above issues can be mitigated with more funding for schools, and the developmentalschools and the developmental benefits of music outweigh all other concerns. Research has shown that in early development, physical changes take place in the brains of both children and adolescents. Some of these relate to music and children who take up an instrument, even if they quit later, have demonstrated improved cognitive flexibility and creativity in longitudinal studies across a variety of cultural backgrounds. Beyond the scientific evidenceApart from the scientific grounding, it is also common senseit also common sense that children will feel more fulfilled and derive a lot of joy from playing music. This can provide a boost to not only academics but also their long-term mental well-being.
In conclusion, though policymakers will have to account for accessibility issues, learning an instrument is key for neurodevelopment. Schools, parents, and teachers should work together to ensure the best chances of success.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its nuanced, well-developed position: it acknowledges genuine access barriers while persuasively explaining why musical education remains worthwhile. The main limitation is occasional awkward or imprecise language, including a missing verb and a few strained collocations, which slightly weakens an otherwise polished argument. The highest-priority improvement is to proofread for natural phrasing and small grammatical omissions while preserving the essay's clear line of reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear qualified agreement and develops both the accessibility concern and the developmental case in substantial, relevant detail.
Strengthen the conclusion by restating more explicitly why the benefits justify teaching every child despite the acknowledged practical barriers.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument is logically sequenced, paragraphs have clear functions, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly through the qualification and rebuttal.
Tighten a few long explanatory sequences so that each supporting point advances the central argument as efficiently as possible.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, flexible, and often precise, although a few choices such as “tenet” and “scientific grounding” sound slightly strained in context.
Prefer natural academic collocations over unusually elevated choices when the simpler expression conveys the intended meaning more precisely.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentence forms are varied and generally well controlled, with only rare slips such as the missing verb in “it also common sense.”
Proofread specifically for omitted function words and verbs so that isolated small errors do not interrupt otherwise fluent sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some educators believe that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.