Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with the police or the military. Others think that women are less suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
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In recent years, gender equalityIn recent years gender equality in employment has been the topic of heated debate. While some may argue that women are less suited for certain jobs in the police or militaryjobs such as with the police or the military, I believe that female candidates should be treated the same as their male counterparts.
Those who consider women to be unsuited for some roles in the police or militarysome kinds of jobs including the police or the military often hold that opinion because such jobs are extremely physically demanding. As the female body has smaller muscles and less physical strength compared with the male bodycompared to male body, women may have difficulty engaging in strenuous activity which can be exhausting even for men. In military service, female soldiers are more likely to struggle while defending themselves than their male peers when they are forced to move around carrying heavy firearms in battlein the battle, which can increase their risk of mission failure. Because of the hazards and extreme conditions they may encounter, some people argueadvocate that women are not suitable for work in these fields.
Nevertheless, I believe that female applicants should be considered for positions in the police or militarypolice or military placements without gender biaswithout a gender bias, because women are more suited to certain tasks. In the police service, female officers can perform important roles on some occasions such as body searches in whicha body search where male officers are restricted from touching female convicts. In the military service, female nursing staff are likely to provide better caremore likely to care better for injured soldiers since maternal instinct makes them dedicated and compassionate professionalsheart-warming professionals. Furthermore, for the sake of fairness to all, job seekers should have an equal opportunity to choose their jobs freely, regardless of gender. Many women have the desire to work in the police and the military and some of them have relevant expertise and qualifications. Therefore, they should not be discriminated against in employment opportunities for these jobs.
In conclusion, although some say that women are incompatible with police and military duties because of the high physical demands, I believe that they should be treated as equal to men. This is because there are certain roles with the police and the military that are more suitable for women than men, and therefore both genders should have equal employment opportunities.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay directly discusses both perspectives, maintains a clear opinion, and develops its arguments through a consistently logical structure, with the case for equal opportunity especially well supported. Its main limitation is occasional imprecision and overgeneralisation in claims about physical ability and gender-specific qualities; refining these claims with more neutral, evidence-based reasoning and slightly more exact collocations would strengthen an already effective response.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's position are fully addressed through relevant, extended arguments and clear supporting examples.
Qualify broad gender-based claims and support them with more objective reasoning to make the argument more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly without drawing attention to themselves.
Refine the internal sequencing of the longer supporting paragraph so each example builds even more directly toward the central claim.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective topic-specific language despite a few awkward collocations and overgeneralised expressions.
Choose more neutral and exact phrasing for physical capability, occupational roles, and personal qualities.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with only occasional article, comparison, and phrasing errors that do not impede meaning.
Polish article use and comparative structures in sentences describing differences between groups.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with the police or the military. Others think that women are less suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.