Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some people believeThere is an opinion that young offenders should be held accountable for their actions just as adults. While I find this viewthis view of some people justifiable to some extent, I also argue that treating both young and adultmature lawbreakers equally may have adverse effects.
On the one hand, I can understand why a young age should be no deterrent to dealing with criminals. If these juvenile delinquents were easily pardoned in place of receiving strict punishments as adults, they would not become fully aware of the serious consequences of their crimes. Therefore, imposing appropriate punishmentsTherefore imposing appropriate punishments could prevent them from committing crimesconducting illegal actions in the future. Besides, young offendersperpetrators usually receive lighter sentences than they deserve, which is unfair to the victimswhich is an injustice to the victims. In Vietnam, there was a well-known case in which a teenager deliberately murdered almost every member of a familymurdered almost every member of a family deliberately, thereby avoiding the death sentence because he wasescaping the death sentence due to being a few months under the age of criminal responsibilitythe responsible age.
On the other hand, I am convinced that juvenile criminals should be tried in a court separate from adult courtsa different court from that for adults. Firstly, children have been shown not to haveare proven not to have sufficient intellectual or moral capacity to understand the consequences of their actionsthe outcomes of their misdeeds, so they lack the necessary capacity to stand trial as adultsconditions to be trial defendants as grown-up people. Secondly, when given a second chance, these underage convicts have an opportunitycan have an opportunity to successfully rehabilitate and learn a valuable lesson. Thirdly, children can be negatively influenced by some bad role models, which should also be considered to give them a fair trial.
In conclusion, lawbreakersbreakers of laws should not be spared punishmentspared of punishments, but I believe young offenders should be dealt with differently from adults.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay offers a clear, balanced consideration of punishment and rehabilitation, supported by a relevant real-world example and logically ordered reasons. Its main limitation is uneven lexical precision, with several unnatural legal collocations and some points concerning young offenders generally rather than serious crimes specifically. The highest priority is to maintain exact task focus while expressing legal concepts in more natural, accurate language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear position and develops relevant arguments on both accountability and different treatment for young offenders.
Keep every argument explicitly focused on young people who commit serious crimes and develop the final supporting points more fully.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through well-defined paragraphs, although the numbered sequencing in the third paragraph is somewhat mechanical.
Link the rehabilitation, maturity, and influence points through their logical relationships instead of relying mainly on numbered transitions.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for the topic, but recurrent awkward collocations and imprecise legal expressions limit naturalness.
Use more idiomatic legal phrases for criminal responsibility, sentencing, eligibility for trial, and exemption from punishment.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex sentences with generally good control, despite several awkward constructions and prepositional choices.
Revise comparative court structures and passive clauses to ensure their relationships and intended meanings are grammatically precise.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.