The given pie charts compare the expenses in 7 different categories in 1966 and 1996 by American Citizens.
Sample Response
The two provided pie charts compare the expenditure of Americans in 7 different categories namely food, cars, petrol, restaurants, furniture, computers, and book between 1966 and 1996. It is evident from the information provided that foods and cars made up the biggest proportions of spending among Americans in both years. Specifically, in 1966, the highest proportion of expenses went to food with 44% of the total expense, followed by cars with 23%. After 30 years, this figure observed a reversal when the spending for cars accounted for a massive 45% while that for food dropped to just 14%. Turning to the other expenses, petrol and furniture stood for roughly equal proportions of money spent with 9% and 10% respectively in 1966 and both 8% in 1996. The expenditure for restaurant experienced an increase of 7% in 1966 and a double to 14% after 30 years. It is also interesting to note that the spending on books and computers changed conversely. Over the 30-year period, the figure for books declined from 6% to a negligible 1%, in contrast, money spent on computers underwent a remarkable growth from 1% to 10%. In short, Americans spent most of their money on food and cars in both 1966 and 1996, and the spending for computers increased considerably after 30 years.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add list comma Original: categories namely Suggested revision: categories, namely Why it matters: A comma is needed before the phrase that introduces the list.
- 2. Use plural noun Original: book Suggested revision: books Why it matters: The category label is plural, matching the chart legend and the other listed categories.
- 3. Use uncountable food Original: foods Suggested revision: food Why it matters: Food is uncountable when it names this spending category.
- 4. Use chart verb Original: stood Suggested revision: accounted Why it matters: Accounted for is the precise collocation for proportions in a chart.
- 5. Fix percentage preposition Original: with Suggested revision: at Why it matters: Use at to state the values of the two proportions.
- 6. Clarify opposing trends Original: changed conversely Suggested revision: moved in opposite directions Why it matters: Conversely does not naturally describe two figures changing in different directions.
- 7. Fix comma splice Original: 1%, in contrast, Suggested revision: 1%. In contrast, Why it matters: These two independent clauses need a full stop rather than a comma.
- 8. Remove article Original: a remarkable growth Suggested revision: remarkable growth Why it matters: Growth is uncountable in this use and does not take the article a.
- 9. Use concise possessive Original: expenditure of Americans Suggested revision: Americans' expenditure Why it matters: The possessive form is more concise while preserving the meaning.
- 10. Use precise chart terms Original: biggest proportions Suggested revision: largest shares Why it matters: Largest shares is the more precise collocation for proportions of expenditure.
- 11. Refine expenditure phrase Original: 44% of the total expense Suggested revision: 44% of total expenditure Why it matters: Expenditure is the natural aggregate term for the total amount spent.
- 12. Name remaining categories Original: Turning to the other expenses Suggested revision: Turning to the remaining categories Why it matters: Categories links the transition more clearly to the chart divisions.
Suggested Rewrites
- categories namely categories, namely
- book books
- foods food
- stood accounted
- with at
- changed conversely moved in opposite directions
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response gives an accurate, well-selected account of both charts, with a clear overview and effective comparisons across all seven categories. Its main weakness is language precision: several unnatural collocations and one awkward sentence about restaurant spending reduce fluency, so the highest-priority improvement is to use more idiomatic data-description phrases and check sentence boundaries while preserving the strong coverage.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response provides a clear overview and accurately reports the principal changes and figures across all seven categories.
Make the overview even more selective by foregrounding the largest shifts, particularly the reversal between food and cars.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the dominant categories to the smaller ones, with generally effective paragraph-level cohesion.
Avoid repeating the overview in the final sentence and separate contrasting observations with fully controlled sentence boundaries.
Lexical Resource
A good range of trend and comparison vocabulary is evident, though collocations such as 'foods' and 'this figure observed a reversal' are unnatural.
Use conventional data-description phrases such as 'spending on food' and 'the proportions were reversed' for greater precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are mostly accurate, but the restaurant sentence and a comma splice weaken grammatical control.
Proofread complex comparison sentences for article use, noun form, and punctuation before finalizing the response.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The given pie charts compare the expenses in 7 different categories in 1966 and 1996 by American Citizens.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.