The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. Units of electricity by fuel source in Australia Units of electricity by fuel source in France
Sample Response
The pie charts show data on the electricity production from fuel sources in Australia and in France in 1980 and 2000.
As is observed from the pie charts, coal was the main source for electricity production in Australia while France used the nuclear power more in recent years to produce their electricity demand. According to the given data, Australia produced 100 units of electricity in 1980 and 170 units in 2000 while the production in France was 90 units and it doubled in the year 2000. In Australia, coal was the main source of electricity production and half of the total electricity produced came from coal in 1980. Natural gas and hydropower contributed of producing 20 units of electricity while remaining 10 units was produced from oil. The dependency on coal increased in 2000 for electricity production while oil and natural gases were very minimally used for electricity production. Nuclear power was not used in Australia as a source for producing electricity. On the contrary, in France, natural gas and coal together produced half of the electricity in 1980. The use of nuclear power increased significantly in France in 2000 amounting 126 units in this year compared to the 15 units 20 years back.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary article Original: the electricity production Suggested revision: electricity production Why it matters: The uncountable noun phrase is used generally here, so it does not take ‘the’.
- 2. Correct verb pattern Original: contributed of producing Suggested revision: each contributed Why it matters: ‘Contribute’ does not take ‘of producing’ in this structure, and ‘each’ clarifies the equal amounts.
- 3. Fix article and agreement Original: while remaining 10 units was produced Suggested revision: while the remaining 10 units were produced Why it matters: ‘Remaining’ needs the definite article here, and the plural subject ‘units’ requires ‘were’.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: The dependency on coal Suggested revision: Reliance on coal Why it matters: ‘Reliance on coal’ is the more natural expression for dependence on an energy source.
- 5. Use uncountable noun Original: gases Suggested revision: gas Why it matters: The fuel source ‘natural gas’ is uncountable in this context.
- 6. Avoid awkward intensifier Original: very minimally used Suggested revision: used only minimally Why it matters: ‘Only minimally’ expresses the small amounts more naturally and precisely.
- 7. Make phrasing concise Original: as a source for producing electricity Suggested revision: to produce electricity Why it matters: The shorter infinitive phrase conveys the same meaning without redundancy.
- 8. Use contrast connector Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: ‘By contrast’ compares the two countries, whereas ‘on the contrary’ normally contradicts a preceding claim.
- 9. Report proportion accurately Original: half of the electricity Suggested revision: just over half of the electricity Why it matters: Coal and natural gas supplied 50 of France’s 90 units in 1980, which is slightly more than half.
- 10. Add required preposition Original: amounting 126 units Suggested revision: amounting to 126 units Why it matters: The verb form ‘amounting’ requires the preposition ‘to’ before a quantity.
- 11. Use natural time reference Original: in this year Suggested revision: that year Why it matters: ‘That year’ refers back to 2000 more naturally and concisely.
- 12. Refine comparison phrase Original: compared to the 15 units Suggested revision: compared with 15 units Why it matters: ‘Compared with’ is the conventional form for a direct numerical comparison here.
Suggested Rewrites
- the electricity production electricity production
- contributed of producing each contributed
- while remaining 10 units was produced while the remaining 10 units were produced
- The dependency on coal Reliance on coal
- gases gas
- very minimally used used only minimally
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is its relevant overview, supported by accurate totals and several well-chosen comparisons about coal in Australia and nuclear power in France. Its main limitation is selective detail: several important category values and changes, especially in 2000, are described vaguely or omitted, while frequent awkward phrasing reduces precision. Prioritise adding quantified cross-year comparisons for each country and then edit recurring article, agreement, and collocation errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
A clear overview identifies the dominant sources, and the response accurately reports totals and several major changes, though coverage of supporting figures is selective.
Add direct, quantified comparisons for the omitted 2000 categories, particularly hydropower in Australia and coal, oil, gas, and hydropower in France.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses from an overview to Australia and then France, but presenting almost all details in one paragraph weakens organisation.
Separate the overview and each country’s details into clear paragraphs, using transitions only where they clarify a comparison.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, but several collocations and word forms, including expressions about producing demand and contributing, are unnatural.
Use precise chart-reporting combinations such as ‘met electricity demand’, ‘contributed 20 units’, and ‘reliance on coal’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys meaning clearly, although article, agreement, plural, and preposition errors recur.
Edit systematically for articles and subject–verb agreement, especially around singular quantities and uncountable fuel-source nouns.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. Units of electricity by fuel source in Australia Units of electricity by fuel source in France
Your response
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