The diagram below shows how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology collects up-to-the-minute information on the weather in order to produce reliable forecasts.
Sample Response
Ways of data gathering, its analysis and weather forecasting, as well as broadcasting methods followed by the Australian Bureau of Meteorology to produce accurate weather forecast, are illustrated in the process flowchart. As shown in the diagram, the Australian Bureau of Meteorology collects information from different sources, like satellites hovering in space, radar sets positioned at different places on the Earth and drifting buoys anchored to the seabed in the vicinity of the continent. Before forecasting all input data need to be analyzed, using radar screens and synoptic charts. The former is designed on the basis of source materials coming from the satellite and radar sets, whereas the latter is compiled on the basis of the information from all sources mentioned above. As soon as the information analyzed and the forecast is done, it is prepared for broadcasting. Finally, precisely prepared forecast information reaches TV studios, radio stations and places where it can be recorded for further announcement.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural opening Original: Ways of data gathering Suggested revision: The ways data are gathered Why it matters: The original noun phrase is awkward as a sentence opening.
- 2. Plural form Original: accurate weather forecast Suggested revision: accurate weather forecasts Why it matters: The sentence refers to forecasts in general.
- 3. Formal example Original: like satellites hovering in space Suggested revision: including satellites Why it matters: Including is more formal, and hovering in space is unnecessary.
- 4. Unsupported detail Original: drifting buoys anchored to the seabed Suggested revision: drifting buoys at sea Why it matters: The diagram shows a drifting buoy, not that it is anchored to the seabed.
- 5. Data agreement Original: all input data need to be analyzed Suggested revision: all input data need to be analysed Why it matters: Data can be treated as plural in formal reporting; either spelling is acceptable, but keep one variety.
- 6. Unclear reference Original: The former is designed on the basis of source materials coming from the satellite and radar sets Suggested revision: Satellite and radar information are shown as a satellite photo and a radar screen Why it matters: The former does not clearly match the visual's separate analysis outputs.
- 7. Passive form Original: As soon as the information analyzed Suggested revision: As soon as the information is analysed Why it matters: The passive verb needs is.
- 8. Formal phrase Original: the forecast is done Suggested revision: the forecast is produced Why it matters: Produced is more natural for forecasts.
- 9. Name channel Original: places where it can be recorded for further announcement Suggested revision: a recorded telephone announcement service Why it matters: The diagram shows a recorded announcement by telephone, not unspecified places.
- 10. Simplify introduction Original: Ways of data gathering, its analysis and weather forecasting, as well as broadcasting methods followed by the Australian Bureau of Meteorology to produce accurate weather forecast, are illustrated in the process flowchart. Suggested revision: The flowchart illustrates how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology collects, analyses, prepares, and broadcasts weather forecasts. Why it matters: The rewrite is clearer and more grammatical.
- 11. Stay visual-based Original: As shown in the diagram, the Australian Bureau of Meteorology collects information from different sources, like satellites hovering in space, radar sets positioned at different places on the Earth and drifting buoys anchored to the seabed in the vicinity of the continent. Suggested revision: The Bureau collects information from three sources: satellites, radar stations, and drifting buoys. Why it matters: This avoids unsupported details and keeps the description concise.
- 12. Clarify analysis outputs Original: Before forecasting all input data need to be analyzed, using radar screens and synoptic charts. Suggested revision: The incoming information is then analysed using satellite photos, radar screens, and synoptic charts. Why it matters: The visual shows three analysis outputs, not only radar screens and synoptic charts.
Suggested Rewrites
- Ways of data gathering The ways data are gathered
- accurate weather forecast accurate weather forecasts
- like satellites hovering in space including satellites
- drifting buoys anchored to the seabed drifting buoys at sea
- all input data need to be analyzed all input data need to be analysed
- The former is designed on the basis of source materials coming from the satellite and radar sets Satellite and radar information are shown as a satellite photo and a radar screen
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response describes the main process stages from data collection to analysis, forecasting, preparation, and broadcasting. It covers the key inputs and outputs, but it includes a few unsupported details, such as buoys anchored to the seabed, and it does not clearly explain that the computer prepares the broadcast from the three analysis outputs.
Describe only what is shown: satellite, radar, and drifting buoy data are converted into satellite photos, radar screens, and synoptic charts before computer preparation and three broadcast channels.
Coherence and Cohesion
The process is presented in a mostly logical sequence with clear progression from input to output. Cohesion is helped by before, as soon as, and finally, though the opening is heavy and the middle stage could be clearer.
Use a simple overview sentence naming the three broad stages, then describe each stage in order.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally suitable for a process diagram, with terms such as data gathering, forecasting, broadcasting, radar screens, and synoptic charts. Some phrases are awkward or overcomplicated.
Use concise process language such as data is collected, analysed, prepared, and broadcast.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses complex structures, but errors with articles, subject-verb agreement, and passive forms occur. Meaning remains clear overall.
Check passive constructions such as data are analysed and the information is analysed, and use the plural form forecasts where appropriate.