The line chart shows the percentage of workers in different employment sectors in Australia from 1900 to 2000.
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
The line chart illustrates the proportion of workers in four employment sectors in Australia between 1900 and 2000.
Overall , it is clear that the percentage of workers in the services sector in Australia saw a significant increase from 1900 to 2000in 1900 from 2000, while it was always the largest employermost popular sector in the period.By contrast, the figures for the other three sectorsthe other three sectors' figures declined overall despite initial rises in manufacturing and agriculturedecreased gradually from 1900 to 2000.
In 1900,50% of workers in Australia were in the services sectorservices employment sector ,which saw a significant upward trendupward in 2000,, reaching 70%at 70%. While the figure for manufacturing climbed from 20% in 1900 to nearly 28%30% in 1920, then it experienced a steady decrease to 2000dramatic drop until 2000 , at 10%. Similarly, the figure for workers in agriculture followed a similar pattern tohad the same trend as manufacturing, which climbed to 15% in 1940 before declining to roughly 8%which climbed to 15% then declined to under 10% during these 100 years. The percentage of workers in the mining sector in Australia dropped around 1% in 2000to a low of 6% in 2000 , which was the lowest figure of the four sectorsitems in Australia between 1900 and 2000.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The summary successfully presents an overview and describes the major trends across all four employment sectors. However, inaccuracies in reading specific data points and punctuation/grammatical fragments reduce clarity. To improve, double-check numerical figures against the graph axes and ensure every sentence is structurally complete.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview correctly identifies main trends, but some detailed data points, such as the final percentage for mining, are misread from the chart.
Verify key figures carefully against the chart axes to ensure all reported percentages and peak years are accurate.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized logically into distinct paragraphs, though cohesive devices and sentence connections are occasionally awkward.
Avoid starting independent descriptive sentences with subordinate conjunctions like 'while' to maintain smooth flow between clauses.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range of trend vocabulary, though there are occasional errors in word formation and collocation.
Replace inaccurate phrases like 'a significant upward' with precise noun phrases such as 'a significant upward trend' or 'a sharp rise'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
While a mix of simple and complex sentence structures is attempted, frequent errors in punctuation, preposition usage, and sentence fragments hinder control.
Check sentence boundaries to eliminate fragments and correct preposition pairings like 'from [year] to [year]'.