The diagrams below give information on transport and car use in Edmonton.
Sample Response
The pie chart shows how people in the city of Edmonton use four types of transport, while the table provides data on five different reasons for driving. Overall, the city dwellers prefer cars to LRT (Light Rail Transit), bus and taxi; and people mostly use cars in order to travel to work. As the information suggests, 45% of the people in Edmonton city like to drive, while the figure regarding the LRT system stands at exactly one-tenth less. The remaining 20% is equally divided between using bus and taxi. This also means that the number of people driving more than doubles the combined total of bus and taxi users. And those using the LRT more than triple both the number of people choosing a bus and those travelling by taxi. Among reasons for using cars in the city, work travel accounts for more than a half. Taking children to schools and business activities represent 40% and 45%, respectively. And interestingly, the proportions of those using cars to go shopping and take part in leisure activities were similar, both stand at 15%. [Writen by - Nguyen Thuong Vu]
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use standard term Original: types Suggested revision: modes Why it matters: 'Modes of transport' is the standard phrase for travel categories.
- 2. Fix list and connector Original: bus and taxi; and Suggested revision: buses and taxis, while Why it matters: The plural nouns fit the list, and 'while' joins the two overview points correctly.
- 3. Use concise transport term Original: in order to travel to work Suggested revision: to commute to work Why it matters: 'Commute' expresses regular travel to work concisely.
- 4. Use direct reporting Original: As the information suggests Suggested revision: The data show Why it matters: The chart provides figures directly rather than merely suggesting them.
- 5. Use natural place phrase Original: the people in Edmonton city Suggested revision: people in Edmonton Why it matters: 'Edmonton city' is not natural in this construction.
- 6. Report measured behaviour Original: like to drive Suggested revision: travel by car Why it matters: The chart shows transport use, not whether respondents like driving.
- 7. Use correct difference Original: exactly one-tenth less Suggested revision: 10 percentage points lower Why it matters: The difference between 45% and 35% is 10 percentage points, not one-tenth.
- 8. Use parallel nouns Original: between using bus and taxi Suggested revision: between bus and taxi use Why it matters: Parallel noun phrases make the two categories grammatically consistent.
- 9. Add definite article Original: Among reasons Suggested revision: Among the reasons Why it matters: The known set of reasons requires the definite article.
- 10. Remove extra article Original: more than a half Suggested revision: more than half Why it matters: No article is needed in the fixed quantity phrase 'more than half'.
- 11. Match category wording Original: schools Suggested revision: school Why it matters: The table category is 'Taking children to school'.
- 12. Match table category Original: business activities Suggested revision: business Why it matters: The table labels the 45% reason simply as 'Business'.
Suggested Rewrites
- types modes
- bus and taxi; and buses and taxis, while
- in order to travel to work to commute to work
- As the information suggests The data show
- the people in Edmonton city people in Edmonton
- like to drive travel by car
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response accurately identifies the dominant transport mode and principal reason for car use, and it supports the overview with well-chosen, correct comparisons. Its main limitation is presentation: all information is compressed into one paragraph, while a few awkward or inconsistent constructions reduce polish. Prioritise separating the overview from the detail paragraphs and maintaining grammatical consistency in comparative and percentage statements.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response fully addresses both visuals with an accurate overview, correct figures, and effective comparisons among the main features.
Refine the presentation by describing proportions neutrally rather than interpreting them as personal preferences.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information is logically ordered from the pie chart to the table, with clear progression and appropriate referencing.
Divide the response into an introduction and overview followed by separate detail paragraphs for the two visuals.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective phrases for proportions and comparisons, though a few expressions are slightly awkward.
Replace wording such as “the figure regarding the LRT system” with more direct, natural comparative language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with generally strong control, although a few agreement, tense, and punctuation lapses remain.
Maintain consistent tense and agreement, particularly in the final sentence comparing shopping and leisure figures.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagrams below give information on transport and car use in Edmonton.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.