The bar charts below give information about the railway system in six cities in Europe.
Sample Response
The bar charts show data on the railway system in six European cities and the number of commuters these railways serve each year. A glance at the illustration, Paris railroad is the oldest and it has the longest route. On the other hand, Lisbon railway is the busiest railroad which serves over 1900 million passengers a year. According to the bar graph, Paris locomotive operation was established in 1863 which is the oldest among the given six cities and it now has the longest rail route, covering up above 390 km. Stockholm has the second largest rain tracks, about 200 km, and was established in 1900. Lisbon is another old railway system that was built in 1927 with more than 150 km of route. Rome, Madrid and Berlin railway systems were built after 1970 and among these three, Berlin is the latest that was built in 2001. Madrid has the smallest railway route with only 11 km. Again, Lisbon railway is used by more than 1900 million passengers per years which makes it the busiest railway. Stockholm and Paris have two other busy railway systems which are used by 1191 million and 775 million of travellers per year. Finally, Rome, Madrid and Berlin railroads are used by comparatively fewer commuters, bellow 100 million per year.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use chart term Original: commuters Suggested revision: passengers Why it matters: The chart measures all passengers, who are not necessarily commuters.
- 2. Fix opening phrase Original: A glance at the illustration Suggested revision: At a glance Why it matters: The introductory phrase requires the preposition 'at'.
- 3. Use precise term Original: Paris railroad Suggested revision: Paris's railway system Why it matters: 'Railway system' is the more precise term for the network shown.
- 4. Add possessive form Original: Lisbon Suggested revision: Lisbon's Why it matters: The possessive form correctly links the railway to Lisbon.
- 5. Give exact figure Original: over 1900 million Suggested revision: 1,927 million Why it matters: The passenger chart provides an exact annual figure for Lisbon.
- 6. Refer to both charts Original: graph Suggested revision: charts Why it matters: The task contains two bar charts rather than one graph.
- 7. Correct railway term Original: Paris locomotive operation Suggested revision: Paris's railway system Why it matters: 'Locomotive operation' does not describe the citywide railway system shown.
- 8. Fix relative clause Original: which is the oldest among the given six cities Suggested revision: making it the oldest of the six systems Why it matters: This revision makes the railway system, rather than the city, the object of comparison.
- 9. Report exact length Original: covering up above 390 km Suggested revision: covering 394 km Why it matters: The chart gives Paris's route length as 394 kilometres.
- 10. Correct route phrase Original: second largest rain tracks Suggested revision: second-longest railway network Why it matters: 'Rain tracks' is an incorrect expression, and route length calls for 'longest'.
- 11. Clarify the subject Original: and was established in 1900 Suggested revision: and its railway system opened in 1900 Why it matters: The original grammar incorrectly suggests that Stockholm itself was established in 1900.
- 12. Describe opening date Original: built Suggested revision: opened Why it matters: The date indicates when the railway system opened, not when the entire system was built.
Suggested Rewrites
- commuters passengers
- A glance at the illustration At a glance
- Paris railroad Paris's railway system
- Lisbon Lisbon's
- over 1900 million 1,927 million
- graph charts
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear overview and generally accurate selection of the main route and passenger figures. Its main limitation is precision: Rome is incorrectly grouped with cities serving fewer than 100 million passengers, while several awkward word choices and grammatical slips reduce polish. Prioritise checking every comparison against the charts and using standard railway vocabulary in well-controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and most key route and passenger comparisons are accurate, although Rome actually carries 144 million passengers rather than fewer than 100 million.
Check each grouped comparison against the charts and distinguish Rome from Madrid and Berlin in the final passenger summary.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses logically from route length and opening dates to passenger numbers, though the single-block presentation and repeated linking are somewhat mechanical.
Use separate detail paragraphs for the two charts and replace repetitive transitions with clearer comparative grouping.
Lexical Resource
The response uses enough topic vocabulary to describe the data, but several choices are inaccurate or awkward, including locomotive operation, rain tracks, and covering up above.
Use precise collocations such as railway system, route length, and carries passengers, while proofreading spelling and plural forms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the comparisons clearly, but errors in sentence openings, agreement, articles, and plural forms recur.
Review sentence boundaries and noun phrases, especially expressions such as passengers per year and the latest system, to improve control.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar charts below give information about the railway system in six cities in Europe.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.