The bar charts below give information about the railway system in six cities in Europe.
Sample Response
The bar charts show data on the railway system in six European cities and the number of commuters these railways serve each year. A glance at the illustration, Paris railroad is the oldest and it has the longest route. On the other hand, Lisbon railway is the busiest railroad which serves over 1900 million passengers a year. According to the bar graph, Paris locomotive operation was established in 1863 which is the oldest among the given six cities and it now has the longest rail route, covering up above 390 km. Stockholm has the second largest rain tracks, about 200 km, and was established in 1900. Lisbon is another old railway system that was built in 1927 with more than 150 km of route. Rome, Madrid and Berlin railway systems were built after 1970 and among these three, Berlin is the latest that was built in 2001. Madrid has the smallest railway route with only 11 km. Again, Lisbon railway is used by more than 1900 million passengers per years which makes it the busiest railway. Stockholm and Paris have two other busy railway systems which are used by 1191 million and 775 million of travellers per year. Finally, Rome, Madrid and Berlin railroads are used by comparatively fewer commuters, bellow 100 million per year.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix opening phrase Original: A glance at the illustration Suggested revision: At a glance Why it matters: The original introductory phrase cannot grammatically introduce the following independent clause.
- 2. Use neutral transition Original: On the other hand Suggested revision: Meanwhile Why it matters: The passenger comparison is an additional overview feature rather than an opposing argument.
- 3. Fix possessive form Original: Lisbon railway is the busiest railroad Suggested revision: Lisbon's railway is the busiest system Why it matters: The city name needs a possessive form to modify railway.
- 4. Correct rail term Original: second largest rain tracks Suggested revision: second-longest rail network Why it matters: Rain tracks is a spelling error, and route length is compared with longest rather than largest.
- 5. Fix city reference Original: is Suggested revision: has Why it matters: A city is not itself a railway system.
- 6. Use exact value Original: with more than 150 km of route Suggested revision: with a 155-km route Why it matters: The chart provides the precise route length of 155 kilometres.
- 7. Fix noun phrase Original: Rome, Madrid and Berlin railway systems Suggested revision: The railway systems in Rome, Madrid and Berlin Why it matters: The original sequence lacks the structure needed to show that the systems belong to the three cities.
- 8. Fix comparison form Original: Berlin is the latest that was built Suggested revision: Berlin's is the newest and opened Why it matters: The system, not the city, is being compared, and newest is the appropriate adjective.
- 9. Use length adjective Original: smallest Suggested revision: shortest Why it matters: A route measured in kilometres is described as shortest, not smallest.
- 10. Signal metric change Original: Again, Lisbon railway is used Suggested revision: In terms of passenger numbers, Lisbon's railway is used Why it matters: The revision clearly signals the move from route information to passenger use.
- 11. Fix time unit Original: years Suggested revision: year Why it matters: Per is followed by the singular unit year.
- 12. Clarify ranking Original: Stockholm and Paris have two other busy railway systems Suggested revision: Stockholm and Paris have the next two busiest railway systems Why it matters: The chart supports a ranking after Lisbon rather than the vague description two other busy systems.
Suggested Rewrites
- A glance at the illustration At a glance
- On the other hand Meanwhile
- Lisbon railway is the busiest railroad Lisbon's railway is the busiest system
- second largest rain tracks second-longest rail network
- is has
- with more than 150 km of route with a 155-km route
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response selects and compares the main features very effectively, with accurate coverage of construction dates, route lengths, and passenger totals across all six cities. Its main weakness is language control, as awkward railway terminology and recurring form errors reduce precision despite clear meaning. Prioritise more natural data-reporting vocabulary and careful proofreading for plurals, prepositions, and spelling.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview identifies the oldest, longest, and busiest systems, and the detailed figures accurately cover all six cities.
Refine the reporting by explicitly contrasting the newest systems' short routes with their relatively low passenger totals.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has clear progression from overview to route information and then passenger data, though paragraphing is limited and some linking is repetitive.
Divide the overview and the two data groups into distinct paragraphs for a more polished structure.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range of comparative language, but awkward terms and slips such as 'locomotive operation,' 'rain tracks,' and 'bellow' reduce precision.
Use consistent terms such as 'railway system,' 'route length,' and 'annual passengers,' then proofread spelling.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied sentence structures communicate the data clearly, although errors with plurals, prepositions, and clause construction recur.
Edit phrases such as 'per years,' 'million of travellers,' and 'A glance at the illustration' into grammatically complete forms.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar charts below give information about the railway system in six cities in Europe.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.