The bar chart shows the number of visitors to three London Museums between 2007 and 2012.
Sample Response
The bar graph compares museum visitors to three different types of museums in London from 2007 to 2012. As is presented in the graph, the National Gallery got higher popularity over time and the highest number of people visited those museums in 2012. According to the diagram, initially in 2007, more than 12 million people visited the British Museum while this number was more than 13 million for Victoria and Albert Museum and only 6.5 million for the National Gallery. The popularity of Victoria and Albert museum remain almost the same next year while it declined for other two museums. The National Gallery Museum got a higher number of visitors each year while the total number of visitors decreased in 2009, 2010 and in 2011. Finally, in 2012, the National Gallery attracted the largest segment of visitors, amounting over 15 million, while the British Museum was visited by roughly 13 million people. Victoria and Albert Museum was attended by 10 million guests at that time. In summary, National Gallery gained popularity over the time and more people visited the London Museums in 2007 and in 2012 than they did in the years in between.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the measure clearly Original: museum visitors to three different types of museums Suggested revision: visitor numbers at three museums Why it matters: The chart compares three institutions, not three museum types.
- 2. Use concise reporting phrase Original: As is presented Suggested revision: As shown Why it matters: This is a more concise and natural phrase for referring to chart evidence.
- 3. Fix popularity collocation Original: got higher popularity Suggested revision: became more popular Why it matters: “Got higher popularity” is not a natural English collocation.
- 4. Clarify total reference Original: those museums Suggested revision: the three museums collectively Why it matters: The claim concerns the combined total, so the reference should make that scope explicit.
- 5. Remove redundant framing Original: According to the diagram, initially in 2007, Suggested revision: In 2007, Why it matters: The chart reference and two introductory markers unnecessarily delay the data comparison.
- 6. Correct British Museum figure Original: more than 12 million Suggested revision: about 12 million Why it matters: The 2007 British Museum bar is approximately 12 million, not above 12 million.
- 7. Add museum article Original: for Victoria and Albert Museum Suggested revision: for the Victoria and Albert Museum Why it matters: The institution name requires the definite article in this sentence.
- 8. Report visitor numbers Original: The popularity of Victoria and Albert museum Suggested revision: Visitor numbers at the Victoria and Albert Museum Why it matters: The chart measures visitors directly rather than the abstract concept of popularity.
- 9. Use past tense Original: remain Suggested revision: remained Why it matters: The report describes a completed historical period, so past tense is required.
- 10. Add definite article Original: other two museums Suggested revision: the other two museums Why it matters: A definite article is needed when referring to the remaining members of a known group.
- 11. Use natural trend verb Original: got a higher number of visitors Suggested revision: attracted more visitors Why it matters: “Attracted more visitors” is the natural collocation for an increase in attendance.
- 12. Fix amounting construction Original: amounting over 15 million Suggested revision: exceeding 15 million Why it matters: “Amounting” would require “to,” while “exceeding” fits the stated threshold directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- museum visitors to three different types of museums visitor numbers at three museums
- As is presented As shown
- got higher popularity became more popular
- those museums the three museums collectively
- According to the diagram, initially in 2007, In 2007,
- more than 12 million about 12 million
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response clearly communicates the National Gallery's strong rise and provides useful comparisons for the beginning and end of the period. Its main limitation is that coverage of the intervening years is thin and the claim that total attendance decreased in 2009, 2010 and 2011 is not supported by the chart. The priority is to compare the museums' contrasting mid-period patterns accurately.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The report includes a relevant overview and accurate endpoint comparisons, but it omits several important fluctuations and contains an inaccurate statement about total attendance.
Describe the British Museum's fall and recovery and the Victoria and Albert Museum's overall decline, avoiding unsupported aggregation of the yearly totals.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a generally clear chronological path, but the entire report forms one paragraph and some relationships between trends are compressed or unclear.
Separate the overview from two detail paragraphs, grouping the National Gallery's rise against the changing patterns of the other two museums.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of vocabulary for trends and comparisons, though repeated use of popularity and awkward phrases reduce precision.
Use precise chart language such as visitor numbers rose, remained stable, fell sharply, and recovered instead of got higher popularity or was attended by.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex sentences, but subject-verb agreement, articles, prepositions, and comparative structures contain recurring errors.
Check agreement and article use carefully, for example the museum's popularity remained and the other two museums.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart shows the number of visitors to three London Museums between 2007 and 2012.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.