The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period.
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
The first table illustrates the increase in population in New York Citycity, including all five districts, between the years 1800 and 2000. The second table highlights not only the exact number but also the percentage of the total populationpercentage of total population of Manhattan in the same period of time. And the third one shows the same information but for other districts of New YorkYotk city, namely Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens and Staten Island.
To begin, the total populationthe number of populations in all districts of New York City reported a significant rise from 79,216 in 1800 to 3,437,202 in 1900. Over the subsequent century, from 1900 to 2000,In a one-year period, namely from 1900 to 2000, the populationnumber of the population doubled, reaching an overall 8,009,185reaching overall 8,009,185 citizens.
For the district of Manhattan, statistics reported that in 1800 the population of 60,515 accounted for 76% of the total populationcitizens. In 1900 as the number of the residents started to increase, reaching 1,850,093, the total percentage showed a rapid decrease from 76% to 54%. In addition, by 2000,by the end of 2000, the population of Manhattan demonstrated a considerable drop both in the population, from 1,850,093 to 1,538,096, and the percentage, from 54% to 19%.
Lastly, other districts of New York City recorded a sharp rise in population in just three recorded intervals,just 3-year increment, starting from 18,701 in 1800, which was 24% of the total population. In 1900 the number and the percentage escalated, reaching approximately a million and a halfmillion and a half residents, which was nearly half of the total population in New York Citycity. In addition, by the end of the 20th century,end of 20th century population of four other districts4 main districts of New York City exceeded 6 million citizens, which was 81% of the total population of the city.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The report accurately presents data from all three tables and structures the detailed information in logical paragraphs. However, it lacks a clear overview statement summarizing the primary trends and contains notable time frame misinterpretations. To improve, include a clear overview sentence and double-check descriptions of time spans and numerical expressions for accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report covers all essential figures from the tables, but it lacks a clear overview outlining overall trends and misidentifies century-long intervals as short timeframes.
Add an explicit overview paragraph highlighting key global trends, such as Manhattan's declining share compared to the growth of other districts.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is arranged logically by table with clear paragraph divisions, though transitions between sentences can feel somewhat mechanical.
Use a wider variety of natural linking phrases rather than relying on basic connectors like 'And', 'To begin', and 'Lastly'.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally adequate for describing statistics and trends, but contains occasional inaccurate collocations and word forms.
Refine phrases related to population and counts, avoiding incorrect expressions such as 'number of populations'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of sentence structures is attempted with generally clear meaning, though minor errors in articles, prepositions, and noun forms occur throughout.
Pay closer attention to article usage and number agreements when describing time periods and numerical values.