The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period.
This response is estimated at Band 5.5. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
The first table illustrates the increase inof population in New York Citycity, including all five districts, between the years 1800 and 2000. The second table highlights not only the exact number but also the percentage of total population in Manhattan in the same period of time. Meanwhile, the third tableAnd the third one shows the same information but for other districts, namely Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens and Staten Island.
To begin, the total population of all partsthe number of populations in all parts of New York City reported a significant rise from 79,216 in 1800 to 3,437,202 in 1900. Over the next century, from 1900 to 2000,In just a year, from 1900 to 2000, the population more than doublednumber of populations doubled, reaching 8,009,185 citizens by the beginning of the 21st centuryin the beginning 0f 21st century.
For the district of Manhattan, statisticsFor the district of Manhattan statistics reported that in 1800 a population of 60,515population of 60,515 accounted for 76% of the total citizens of the city. In 1900 as the number of residents started to increase, reaching 1,850,093, total percentage showed a rapid decrease from 76% to 54%. In addition, by 2000, the populationby the end of 2000 population of Manhattan demonstrated a considerable drop both in population, from 1,850,093 to 1,538,096, and percentage, from 54% to 19%.
Lastly, other districts ofon New York City recorded a sharp rise in population over the two centuriesin just 3 years, starting from 18,701 in 1800 which was 2434% of the total population. In 1900 both the number and the percentageboth number and the percentage escalated, reaching a million and a halfreaching million and a half residents, which was nearly half of the total population in New York. In addition, by the end of the 20th centuryby the end of 20th century population of 4 main districts of New York City exceeded 6 million peopleexceed 6 million population, which was 81% of the total citizens of the city.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay effectively structures data from all three tables into distinct paragraphs for comparison. However, key factual inaccuracies regarding the timeframe and specific percentages detract from overall task fulfillment, along with frequent grammatical and phrasing errors. Prioritizing strict data accuracy from the prompt and refining grammatical accuracy will bring immediate improvements.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response covers the figures from all three tables, but it contains significant inaccuracies regarding time periods and data, alongside a missing clear overall trend summary.
Include an overall overview paragraph highlighting general trends and ensure all years, percentages, and time intervals are accurately transcribed from the charts.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized logically by table, and cohesive devices are used to transition between paragraphs.
Vary linkers beyond basic list markers and ensure logical flow when describing changes across centuries.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for describing numerical changes, though repetitive phrasings and slight word choice errors occur.
Use accurate collocations for statistical data, avoiding terms like 'number of populations' in favor of 'population size' or 'number of residents'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence structures show some variety, but grammatical errors, missing articles, and awkward syntax are frequent.
Focus on correct sentence building with prepositional phrases and subject-verb agreement when introducing figures and percentages.