The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period.
Sample Response
The first table illustrates how the total population of New York City changed during a 200-year periodperoid from 1800 to 2000, while the second and third tables demonstrate changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period.
Overall, New York City experienced a population explosion from 1800 to 2000, as well as the 5 districts. However, the distribution shifted significantly,changed obviously, with population migrating from Manhattan to other districtscities. In 1800, the total population of New York was only 79,216, consisting of the populationconsisting of population in Manhattan (60,515) and in other districts (18,701). The figure increased dramaticallydramaticly to 3.43 million in 1900, with over 1.85 million residents living in Manhattan and 1.58 million living in the other 4 districts.in other 4 cities. The total population surged to over 8 millionsurged to as large as 8 million at the end of the period, with the population of the other 4 districtswith population of other 4 cities rocketing to 6.47 million in 2000. In contrast, Manhattan saw a slight populationpopulaiton decrease, ending with 1.53 millionmillon in 2000. FromFor the perspective of population distribution, the total figure was divideddistribution, it consisted of the people in Manhattan and other 4 cities. Manhattan was by far the largest districtcity in 1800, accounting for 76% of the total population. However, the figure decreased to 54% in 1900, and dropped to only 19% in 2000. In contrast, the percentage of the other four districtspercentage of other four cities constantly rose to 81% at the end of the period.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response effectively highlights the main numerical trends and percentage changes across the given timeframe with a clear overall overview. However, key terminology is misapplied by repeatedly referring to the districts as separate cities, and detail regarding individual outer districts is lacking. To improve, ensure accurate task-specific terminology is maintained throughout and proofread to eliminate spelling and prepositional errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The candidate provides a clear overview and covers key figures, but repeatedly misidentifies the five districts as separate cities.
Use precise labels from the prompt rather than referring to districts as independent cities.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically structured into paragraphs, though the final paragraph repeats data already described in the body.
Group data more efficiently to avoid repeating raw figures when introducing percentage comparisons.
Lexical Resource
A good range of trend vocabulary is used, but noticeable spelling errors and word choice inaccuracies occur.
Proofread carefully to fix spelling mistakes such as 'peroid', 'dramaticly', 'populaiton', and 'millon'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence structures are varied and meaning is generally clear, despite occasional grammatical and prepositional lapses.
Focus on correct article usage and noun phrase structures, such as writing 'the other four districts' instead of 'other 4 cities'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period.
Your response
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