The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Reasons for study according to age of students [data in percentage] Employer support, by age group (Time off and help with fees) [data in percentage]
Sample Response
The graphs illustrate why people from different age groups continue their studies and the support employers offered to them in terms of financial and time off.
Overall, it is obvious that there is a decreasing trend among students who study for their profession as they become older, whereas the reverse is true for those who study for passion. It is apparent that the highest percentage of students (80%) study for their career and they are under 26 years old. Turning to the personal interest as a reason for the study, the higher the age, the ratio of pupil learning from passion increases. In addition, an equal percentage of people, aged 40 to 49, study for their career and interest in subjects. The second bar chart reveals that the employers gave more support to their young employees (those under 26 years old) and elderly workers with the least support provided to those in the age range between 30 and 39 years old.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use present passive meaning Original: support employers offered to them Suggested revision: support they receive from employers Why it matters: The charts present general data, and this structure clearly identifies the recipients and providers.
- 2. Complete support phrase Original: financial and time off Suggested revision: financial assistance and time off Why it matters: Financial alone is an adjective and needs a noun such as assistance.
- 3. Match chart category Original: study for their profession Suggested revision: study for career reasons Why it matters: Career reasons is the category used in the chart and is more natural than profession here.
- 4. Use personal interest Original: study for passion Suggested revision: study out of personal interest Why it matters: Personal interest accurately reflects the chart label, whereas passion overstates the category.
- 5. Fix introductory phrase Original: Turning to the personal interest as a reason for the study Suggested revision: Turning to personal interest as a reason for studying Why it matters: The revised phrase removes unnecessary articles and uses the correct gerund form.
- 6. Correct trend wording Original: the ratio of pupil learning from passion increases Suggested revision: the proportion studying out of personal interest increases Why it matters: Proportion is the correct term for percentage data, and the participial phrase is grammatically complete.
- 7. Match interest category Original: interest in subjects Suggested revision: personal interest Why it matters: The graph measures personal interest generally, not interest in particular subjects.
- 8. Use exact age group Original: elderly workers Suggested revision: workers over 49 Why it matters: The chart's oldest category is over 49, which should not be described as elderly.
- 9. Clarify opposite trend Original: whereas the reverse is true Suggested revision: while the opposite trend is seen Why it matters: The revised linker makes the contrast between the two study motivations more explicit.
- 10. Use age clause Original: the higher the age Suggested revision: as age increases Why it matters: As age increases is the correct clause for introducing a proportional trend.
- 11. Use plural proportions Original: an equal percentage of people Suggested revision: equal proportions of people Why it matters: Two separate categories have the same proportion, so the plural form is appropriate.
- 12. Remove closing comma Original: aged 40 to 49, Suggested revision: aged 40 to 49 Why it matters: The age phrase identifies which people are meant and should not be separated by a closing comma.
Suggested Rewrites
- support employers offered to them support they receive from employers
- financial and time off financial assistance and time off
- study for their profession study for career reasons
- study for passion study out of personal interest
- Turning to the personal interest as a reason for the study Turning to personal interest as a reason for studying
- the ratio of pupil learning from passion increases the proportion studying out of personal interest increases
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response's strongest feature is its clear overview of the opposing age-related study trends and the U-shaped pattern in employer support. However, the supporting detail is too limited, with only one exact percentage and no numerical development of the second chart. The highest-priority improvement is to add selective figures for every age group and make direct comparisons that substantiate each overview statement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main trends, crossover, and support minimum are accurately identified, but the report provides too few figures to develop both charts fully.
Support the overview with selected values across all age groups, including the decline in career study, rise in interest, and changes in employer support.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and overview lead into relevant details coherently, although the information is concentrated in one long body paragraph.
Use separate detail paragraphs for reasons for study and employer support, with comparisons grouped consistently by age.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied enough to describe trends and comparisons, but expressions involving 'passion', 'ratio', and financial support are sometimes awkward.
Prefer precise chart language such as 'study for personal interest', 'proportion of students', and 'support with fees and time off'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a good range of complex structures with generally accurate control, and the remaining errors do not impede meaning.
Refine article use, agreement, and parallel phrasing, especially in sentences comparing career study with personal interest.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Reasons for study according to age of students [data in percentage] Employer support, by age group (Time off and help with fees) [data in percentage]
Your response
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