The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The diagram illustrates the production of sugar from sugar cane. Overall, the process consists of seven key stages, beginning with the cultivation of the sugar canes and culminatingculmination in the drying and cooling process of sugar.
Sugar manufacturing begins with the growing of the sugar canes which takes 12 to 18 months on average. Once fully grownAfter this, sugar canes are harvested either by human workersworker or using agricultural machineryadvanced harvesting technology. Following this, sugar canescares are crushed using a crushing machinea special tool, which extracts the juice from the stalksproduct. In order to purify the juice, it goes through athe limestone filter.
Furthermore, the purifiedFurthermore, purified juice is poured into an evaporator, which using heat transforms the juice into syrup. The next stageNext stage of the manufacturing process includes pouring the syrup into a centrifuge, which separates sugar crystals from the syrup. During the final stage of sugar productionproducation, sugar crystals need to be drieddryed and cooled before initialinital use.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay effectively describes all seven stages of the sugar manufacturing process in a logical sequential order with a clear overview. The primary limitation lies in minor mechanical slip-ups, including spelling errors and small grammatical omissions. Refining language precision and proofreading for agreement errors will help elevate the overall standard of writing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response successfully covers all main steps of the process and includes a clear, accurate overview.
Ensure all minor visual details are reported precisely without adding slight inaccuracies or typos in key nouns.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overview and paragraph structures are logical, using sequencing words effectively to guide the reader through the stages.
Vary sequential transitions further to prevent repetitive patterns across sentences.
Lexical Resource
Appropriate domain vocabulary is used to describe the manufacturing steps, though noticeable spelling mistakes occur.
Carefully check words for correct spelling, such as standard forms of verbs converted to past participles.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good variety of complex structures and passive voice forms are used, though occasional article omissions and minor structural errors are present.
Focus on checking subject-verb agreement and article placement in complex relative clauses.