The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
Sample Response
The flow chart depicts the seven-step process of manufacturing sugar out of sugar cane, commencing with sugar cane cultivation and culminating in the drying and coolingculminating in drying and cooling of sugar crystals.
Overall, the production falls into three stages: sugar cane preparation, juice processingprocession and sugar formation. Sugar canes are planted and crushed to extract juicetreated into juice in the early stage; the juice is then refined through several steps to generate syrup, which is finally made into sugar.
In the initial stage, farmers plant sugar canes in the field, which go through 12-18 months of growing until reaching maturity and are harvested either manually or by combine harvestersget reaped. The harvested canes are then fed into the crushing machine to produce juice.
Once juice is extracted, it is pouredfilled into a limestone filter and goes through purificationpurifing. After that, the purified juice is heated in an evaporator to become syrup, from which sugar crystals are separated by a centrifuge. Finally, a drying and cooling step is needed to convert the sugar crystals into the final product, completing the whole process.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear, well-structured description of the sugar manufacturing process, accurately identifying all seven stages and providing a effective overview. Cohesion and progression are smooth throughout the text, making the sequence easy to follow. To reach a higher score, eliminate minor mechanical spelling errors and refine sentence structures for complete grammatical accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The essay provides a thorough and accurate summary of all seven steps in the process, supported by a clear overview.
Ensure all details, such as the two harvesting methods shown in the diagram, are fully highlighted to achieve maximum completeness.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized into well-defined paragraphs with clear sequential linking throughout.
Maintain this logical flow while varying cohesive devices to avoid overusing standard temporal transitions.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic-specific vocabulary is used appropriately, though minor spelling mistakes are present.
Proofread carefully to fix spelling errors such as 'purifing' and refine word choices like 'juice procession'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures and passive voice forms are used accurately with only rare grammatical slips.
Double-check prepositional phrases and passive construction forms to eliminate occasional minor inaccuracies.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.