The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
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Sample Response
The diagram illustrates the production of sugar from sugar cane. Overall, the process consists of seven key stages, beginning with the cultivation of sugar canecultivation of the sugar canes and culminating in the drying and cooling process of sugar.
Sugar manufacturing begins with the growing of the sugar cane, which takessugar canes which takes 12 to 18 months in total.on average. After this, the sugar cane is harvestedsugar canes are harvested either by human workers or using agricultural machinery.advanced harvesting technology. Following this, sugar canes are crushed using a crushing machinespecial tool, which extracts the juice from the product. In order to purify the juice, it goes through a limestone filter.
NextFurthermore, the purified juice is poured into an evaporator, which using heat transforms the juice into syrup. The next stage of the manufacturing process includes pouring the syrup into a centrifuge, which separates sugar crystals from the syrup. During the final stage of sugar production, sugar crystals need to be dried and cooled to produce the final product.before initial use.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay provides a clear and accurate description of the entire manufacturing process, effectively covering all key stages from cultivation to the final product. Information is logically organized with appropriate transitional phrases and natural grammatical structures. To enhance the response further, focus on refining word choice by avoiding unnecessary repetition of key terms like sugar cane.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response presents a comprehensive overview and accurately outlines all seven stages of the production process.
Ensure all minor visual details, such as the specific role of heat in evaporation, are seamlessly integrated into the description.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically sequenced using clear sequential linkers that guide the reader smoothly through the process.
Vary cohesive devices beyond simple temporal markers to create even smoother transitions between body paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A good range of process-specific vocabulary is used accurately and flexibly throughout the report.
Use synonyms or pronouns to avoid repeating nouns such as sugar canes and juice in consecutive sentences.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay displays a strong command of grammar with a variety of complex structures and passive voice forms used correctly.
Maintain precise control over prepositional and participial phrase placements to avoid minor awkward phrasing.