The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999.
Sample Response
The given line graph compares the unemployment rates in the USA and Japan from March 1993 to March 1999.
As an overall trend, the USA succeeded to decrease its unemployment rate over the time while the scenario was completely reverse in Japan despite its initial ignorable rate of unemployment. As can be seen from the given illustration, the unemployment rate in the USA was just over 7% in March 1993 while it was less than 2.5% in Japan. However, this rate kept on decreasing in the USA while it went up in Japan. In two years, the percentage of jobless Americans fall to just below 5.5% while it increased in Japan and stood at 3.0% at the same time. The opposite trend of the line graph depicts that unemployment rate in the USA gradually declined while increased in the case of Japan. The rates of joblessness in these two countries intersected between March 1998 and March 1999 when the unemployment rate in both countries was just about 4.5%. At the end of 1998, the percentage of unemployment among the Americans became less than that of Japan. The data presents that jobless people’s percentage in the USA was just above 4.0 in 1999 while this rate in Japan reached to over 4.5% which was more than double than the initial rate of their unemployment.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name visual accurately Original: given illustration Suggested revision: graph Why it matters: The visual is specifically a line graph rather than a general illustration.
- 2. Clarify rate reference Original: this rate kept on decreasing in the USA Suggested revision: the US rate continued to decrease Why it matters: The explicit country reference removes ambiguity between the two rates.
- 3. Name Japanese rate Original: it went up in Japan Suggested revision: the Japanese rate increased Why it matters: The explicit noun phrase makes the comparison between countries clear.
- 4. Use exact graph date Original: In two years Suggested revision: By March 1995 Why it matters: The graph provides a specific date that is clearer than a relative time span.
- 5. Use past tense Original: fall Suggested revision: fell Why it matters: The report describes a completed historical change, so the verb must be in the past tense.
- 6. Clarify comparison subject Original: while it increased in Japan Suggested revision: while Japan's rate increased Why it matters: The possessive noun phrase clearly identifies the second unemployment rate.
- 7. Link shared date Original: at the same time Suggested revision: by the same point Why it matters: The replacement links Japan's figure directly to the March 1995 reference.
- 8. Locate crossover precisely Original: intersected between March 1998 and March 1999 Suggested revision: intersected in late 1998 Why it matters: The lines cross near the end of 1998, before the March 1999 endpoint.
- 9. Use concise approximation Original: just about 4.5% Suggested revision: approximately 4.5% Why it matters: “Approximately” expresses the estimated graph value more concisely.
- 10. Mark completed change Original: At Suggested revision: By Why it matters: “By” clearly indicates that the crossover had occurred by that point.
- 11. Use standard metric Original: percentage of unemployment among the Americans Suggested revision: US unemployment rate Why it matters: “Unemployment rate” is the standard concise term for the measure shown.
- 12. Fix comparison wording Original: became less than that of Japan Suggested revision: fell below Japan's Why it matters: The replacement forms a direct and grammatically complete comparison between the two rates.
Suggested Rewrites
- given illustration graph
- this rate kept on decreasing in the USA the US rate continued to decrease
- it went up in Japan the Japanese rate increased
- In two years By March 1995
- fall fell
- while it increased in Japan while Japan's rate increased
Why this response received Band 7.0
The report accurately identifies the opposing trends, supplies appropriate starting and ending figures, and locates the point at which the two rates converged. Its main weakness is expression: several comparisons repeat the same trend, while frequent unnatural phrases reduce precision. Prioritise concise chronological grouping and standard language for rises, falls, convergence, and percentages.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview and key figures accurately capture the US decline, Japanese rise, convergence, and final reversal in relative position.
Add one concise reference to the fluctuations within each trend while avoiding repeated statements of the overall movement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves chronologically from starting levels to convergence and final values, but repeated trend descriptions weaken concision and progression.
Use an overview followed by one focused paragraph tracing both series across the period, removing duplicated comparisons.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of trend and comparison vocabulary, but several unnatural collocations make otherwise accurate reporting less precise.
Replace phrases such as 'succeeded to decrease', 'completely reverse', 'ignorable rate', and 'reached to' with standard graph language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains clear, but recurring errors with tense, articles, missing subjects, and comparative forms reduce grammatical accuracy.
Maintain past-tense reporting and correct forms such as 'fell', 'rose to', and 'more than double the initial rate'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999.
Your response
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