The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999.
Sample Response
The given graph compares the unemployment rates in Japan and the USA from 1993 to 1999. As is observed from the given graph, initially in 1993, USA has a higher unemployment rate than it was in Japan but in few years, the USA managed to control this rate and got in a better position than that of Japan. According to the line graphs, the unemployment rate in the USA was over 7% in 1993 and over time this rate kept on decreasing. Finally, in 1999, the unemployment rate in the USA decreased to just over 4.5% which shows the improvement the USA had been able to achieve. On the contrary, in 1993, Japan had about 2% unemployment rate but that kept on increasing over the year and after 6 years it grew to just over 4.5%. Japanese job market showed a completely opposite trend than the USA job market. In summary, the USA managed to control the unemployment rate better than Japan did for the given period though initially, Japan had less unemployment problem than the USA.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix article and tense Original: USA has a higher unemployment rate Suggested revision: the USA had a higher unemployment rate Why it matters: The country name needs an article, and the historical description requires past tense.
- 2. Clarify comparison Original: than it was in Japan Suggested revision: than the rate in Japan Why it matters: The original pronoun creates an illogical comparison between a rate and a country.
- 3. Correct the timing Original: in few years Suggested revision: by the end of the period Why it matters: The US rate did not fall below Japan's until near the end of the six-year period.
- 4. Avoid unsupported cause Original: the USA managed to control this rate Suggested revision: the US rate declined Why it matters: The graph shows a decline but gives no evidence that policy control caused it.
- 5. State the comparison Original: got in a better position than that of Japan Suggested revision: became lower than Japan's rate Why it matters: The replacement reports the measurable comparison shown near the end of the graph.
- 6. Use singular noun Original: graphs Suggested revision: graph Why it matters: The task contains one graph with two lines.
- 7. Refine the figure Original: was over 7% in 1993 Suggested revision: was about 7% in March 1993 Why it matters: The line begins at approximately 7%, and the graph specifies March 1993.
- 8. Acknowledge fluctuations Original: kept on decreasing Suggested revision: declined overall despite fluctuations Why it matters: The US rate follows a downward trend but rises briefly at several points.
- 9. Correct final value Original: decreased to just over 4.5% Suggested revision: decreased to just over 4% Why it matters: The US line ends at roughly 4.2%, below 4.5%.
- 10. Remove interpretation Original: which shows the improvement the USA had been able to achieve Suggested revision: which represents an overall decline Why it matters: The visual records a rate change but does not establish an achievement or its cause.
- 11. Use comparison linker Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: 'By contrast' appropriately introduces Japan's opposing trend without contradicting a claim.
- 12. Acknowledge fluctuations Original: that kept on increasing Suggested revision: the rate rose overall Why it matters: Japan's rate increased overall but included several small falls.
Suggested Rewrites
- USA has a higher unemployment rate the USA had a higher unemployment rate
- than it was in Japan than the rate in Japan
- in few years by the end of the period
- the USA managed to control this rate the US rate declined
- got in a better position than that of Japan became lower than Japan's rate
- graphs graph
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response's strongest feature is its accurate overview of the opposing trends, showing US unemployment falling while Japan's rose until the two rates converged near the end. The main limitation is limited detail: the fluctuations and late crossover are omitted, and the final US figure is slightly overstated. Prioritise a grouped comparison that identifies the start, convergence and March 1999 endpoints accurately while briefly noting both lines' intermediate variation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main opposing trends and approximate start and end values are reported clearly, but the late crossover and fluctuations are omitted and the final US value is inaccurate.
State that Japan overtook the US in late 1998 and finished near 4.7%, while the US ended around 4.2%, after fluctuations in both series.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows a logical sequence from overview to each country's trend and a summary, but placing everything in one paragraph and repeating conclusions weakens organisation.
Separate the introduction and overview from a detail paragraph that compares the two lines across the period, and remove the repetitive final summary.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for trends and comparison, though several phrases are imprecise or repetitive rather than fully natural.
Use concise graph language such as 'fell steadily', 'rose overall', 'converged' and 'overtook', avoiding evaluative phrases about controlling unemployment.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence structures is used and meaning remains clear, but tense, article and comparative-form errors recur.
Maintain past tense for the historical period and revise forms such as 'the US had a higher rate than Japan' and 'fewer unemployment problems'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.