The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999.
Sample Response
The given line graph compares the unemployment rate in two countries: US and Japan from 1993 to 1999. As is observed from given graph, initially unemployment rate in the US was much higher than it was in Japan. But after a specific gap of years, the US managed to resolve the problem of crucial unemployment. Interestingly, after few years unemployment rate in Japan magnified significantly. As is presented in above line graph, it can be seen clearly, in 1993 unemployment rate in the US was exactly 7.0 percent and after six years period, it slumped to approximately 4.5 percent in 1999. On contrary, in 1993 Japan was full of prosperity and its unemployment rate was around 2.5 percent. Unfortunately, after six years situation changed completely and the unemployment rate in Japan surged over 4.5 percent respectively. Interestingly, Japan job market showed opposite trend than US job market. Ultimately, US managed to overcome the problematic situation of unemployment in 1999. Apart from this unemployment in Japan kept on soaring year by year and reached to 4.5 percent in 1999. Finally, unemployment issue of Japan became severe compared to the USA.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add country article Original: US and Japan Suggested revision: the US and Japan Why it matters: The abbreviation US conventionally takes the definite article.
- 2. Add an article Original: after few years Suggested revision: after a few years Why it matters: The countable phrase few years requires the article a in this meaning.
- 3. Use a trend verb Original: magnified Suggested revision: rose Why it matters: Magnified does not naturally describe an unemployment rate increasing over time.
- 4. Correct graph reference Original: As is presented in above line graph Suggested revision: As shown in the graph Why it matters: The revised passive phrase is grammatical and avoids the missing article before above.
- 5. Add definite article Original: in 1993 unemployment rate in the US Suggested revision: in 1993 the unemployment rate in the US Why it matters: A specific national unemployment rate requires the definite article.
- 6. Correct time phrase Original: after six years period Suggested revision: over the six-year period Why it matters: A compound adjective before period is singular and hyphenated.
- 7. Correct the US endpoint Original: approximately 4.5 percent in 1999 Suggested revision: approximately 4.2 percent in March 1999 Why it matters: The US line ends near 4.2 percent rather than 4.5 percent.
- 8. Use correct linker Original: On contrary Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: By contrast is the standard phrase for introducing the opposing Japanese trend.
- 9. Report only chart data Original: Japan was full of prosperity and its unemployment rate was around 2.5 percent Suggested revision: Japan's unemployment rate was around 2.5 percent Why it matters: The graph gives an unemployment figure but does not support a claim about general prosperity.
- 10. Correct time clause Original: after six years situation changed completely Suggested revision: six years later, the situation had reversed Why it matters: The revision adds the required structure and expresses the change clearly.
- 11. Correct Japan endpoint Original: surged over 4.5 percent respectively Suggested revision: rose to about 4.7 percent Why it matters: Japan ends near 4.7 percent, and respectively has no paired figures to connect.
- 12. Use possessive form Original: Japan Suggested revision: Japan's Why it matters: The possessive form is required to show that the job market belongs to Japan.
Suggested Rewrites
- US and Japan the US and Japan
- after few years after a few years
- magnified rose
- As is presented in above line graph As shown in the graph
- in 1993 unemployment rate in the US in 1993 the unemployment rate in the US
- after six years period over the six-year period
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response conveys the central contrast between falling US unemployment and rising Japanese unemployment, with broadly accurate endpoints. Its main limitation is that it repeats this contrast instead of describing the fluctuations and late crossover, while subjective claims about prosperity and resolving unemployment go beyond the graph. Prioritise selecting distinct visual features and reporting them neutrally with precise comparative language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main opposing trends and approximate endpoints are reported, but fluctuations and the late crossover are largely omitted and several interpretations are unsupported.
Describe the irregular movement and crossover near the end while removing claims about prosperity, severity, or solving unemployment.
Coherence and Cohesion
The central comparison is easy to follow, but repeated ideas, mechanical linking, and the absence of paragraphing weaken progression.
Use an introduction, a concise overview, and grouped detail paragraphs so each key feature is developed once.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts varied trend vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate choices such as "magnified", "crucial unemployment", and "full of prosperity" reduce precision.
Choose neutral graph vocabulary such as "rose", "declined", "fluctuated", and "overtook".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex structures are attempted, but frequent missing articles, faulty prepositions, and awkward noun phrases reduce accuracy.
Edit systematically for articles and fixed phrases, including "the US", "in contrast", and "reached 4.5 percent".
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.