The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)
This response is estimated at Band 8.0. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
The bar chart illustratesprovides a visual representation of the average hours married individuals dedicate to unpaid work, namely childcare in the home, housework and gardening, per week according to the number of children they have.
Overall, married women consistently devoted the greatest amount of time to doing unpaid work, while married men had significantly fewer hoursthe significantly fewer hours across all categories.
In terms of married women, those with three or more children dedicated an average ofup to 60 hours per week to unpaid activities. In comparison, women with one or two children spent an average of approximately 51 hours per week on unpaid work. Those without children reported the lowest time commitmentexpenditure, exactly 30 hours per week.
Turning to married men, those without children and with one or two children recordedshared a similar amount of unpaid work, nearly 19 hours per week. Lastly, men with three or more children spent the least amount of time on unpaid activities, approximately 17 hours per week on average.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear and accurate summary of the bar chart, highlighting key trends and accurately reporting figures. Cohesion and sentence control are strong throughout, with logical paragraphing and smooth transitions. To improve further, eliminate minor grammatical inaccuracies like unnecessary articles to ensure seamless control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key features and comparative data between men and women are clearly identified and accurately reported.
Ensure all key trends, such as the slight decrease for men with three or more children compared to women's steep increase, are explicitly highlighted in the overview.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is logical, and cohesive signals successfully guide the reader through the comparison.
Vary cohesive expressions slightly more to avoid relying on repetitive introductory phrases like 'turning to'.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is natural, varied, and appropriate for describing statistical data and time allocation.
Incorporate a wider range of precise lexical collocations related to trends and proportion to enhance flexibility.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of sentence structures is used with high overall accuracy across the text.
Proofread carefully to prevent minor article slips such as writing 'had the significantly fewer hours'.