The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)
This response is estimated at Band 8.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The bar chart illustratesprovides a visual representation of the average hours married individuals dedicate to unpaid work, namely childcare in the home, housework and gardening, per week according to the number of children they have.
Overall, married women consistently devotedevoted substantially more time to unpaid work than married men across all categories, with women's workload increasing alongside family size.
In terms of married women, those with three or more children dedicated an average ofup to 60 hours per week to unpaid activities. In comparison, women with one or two children spent an average of approximately 51 hours per week on unpaid work. Those without children reported the lowest time expenditure, exactly 30 hours per week.
Turning to married men, those without children and with one or two children recordedshared a similar amount of unpaid work , roughlynearly 19 hours per week. Lastly, men with three or more children spent the least amount of time on unpaid activities, approximately 17 hours per week on average.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The report provides a highly clear and accurate summary of the bar chart, highlighting the main trend and reporting data points precisely. Key features are logically grouped by gender, allowing for effortless comparison across categories. To achieve an even higher standard of writing, the candidate can refine sentence variety by integrating more complex comparative clause structures across body paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All key features and data points are accurately identified and clearly presented alongside a comprehensive overview.
Practice including direct contrastive statements within body paragraphs rather than reporting data for each gender in isolation.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized into dedicated paragraphs with clear progression throughout the text.
Vary cohesive markers slightly to avoid repeating similar transitional phrases at the start of paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of vocabulary is used flexibly and precisely to describe time expenditure and categories.
Incorporate further sophisticated lexical combinations to describe data variations and comparisons smoothly.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammatical structures are varied and consistently accurate throughout the response.
Combine data points using complex dependent clauses to demonstrate advanced grammatical flexibility.