You would like to buy some electrical goods at a shop in a nearby town. Write a letter to the shop. In your letter: - ask whether the shop has the goods or can order them - ask what the prices are - ask how long the shop can hold the goods for you
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I have recently purchased a studio apartment in Perth which is in the vicinity of your shop. I would like to purchase some electronic equipment for my apartment and writing to inquire about the availability of those products. I require a toaster, a hand blender, a microwave oven, a big size mixie, a juicer, a dishwasher and a couple of fans along with a dozen LED lights. I would like you to appraise me regarding their availability (off the shelf) in your shop. In the case of an affirmative response, you may also provide a quote for all the above-mentioned items, at the earliest. On the contrary, if the items are not in stock, would it be convenient for you to place an order for the entire lot for me? You must also mention discounts if any, brand name and product specifications for those items. I have plans to drop down in a week following this weekend, which happens to be on 17th September. I would also humbly request you to inform me of the duration till the time you will be able to retain the electronic equipment for me. I hope to hear from you soon. Yours faithfully, Neeraj Mehra
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add finite verb Original: and writing to inquire Suggested revision: and am writing to inquire Why it matters: The coordinated verb phrase needs the auxiliary 'am' to form the present continuous.
- 2. Use standard wording Original: a big size mixie Suggested revision: a large mixer Why it matters: 'Large mixer' is standard, widely understood wording for this appliance.
- 3. Choose natural wording Original: appraise me regarding Suggested revision: inform me about Why it matters: 'Inform me about' is the natural expression for requesting availability information.
- 4. Make condition direct Original: In the case of an affirmative response Suggested revision: If the items are available Why it matters: A direct conditional makes the link to the requested quotation clearer.
- 5. Use polite request Original: you may also provide Suggested revision: could you also provide Why it matters: The question form expresses the request more appropriately in a formal customer letter.
- 6. Correct the transition Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: Alternatively Why it matters: The second possibility is an alternative rather than a contradiction.
- 7. Soften the request Original: You must also mention Suggested revision: Could you also include Why it matters: This wording maintains a courteous formal tone when asking the shop for details.
- 8. Use precise verb Original: drop down in a week Suggested revision: visit the shop in a week Why it matters: 'Visit the shop' clearly expresses the intended action, whereas 'drop down' is not idiomatic here.
- 9. Remove wordiness Original: the duration till the time Suggested revision: how long Why it matters: 'How long' states the requested holding period clearly and naturally.
- 10. Group the requests Suggested revision: Separate the letter into short paragraphs for the product list, availability and price request, and collection arrangements. Why it matters: Grouping the three practical requests would make this long single paragraph easier for the shop to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- and writing to inquire and am writing to inquire
- a big size mixie a large mixer
- appraise me regarding inform me about
- In the case of an affirmative response If the items are available
- you may also provide could you also provide
- On the contrary Alternatively
Why this response received Band 6.5
The letter clearly states its purchasing purpose and covers availability, pricing, ordering, and the holding period with useful item-level detail. Its main limitation is unnatural or overly forceful phrasing, alongside weak paragraphing, so the priority is to organise the requests into clear paragraphs and use more idiomatic, politely formal expressions while keeping each request direct and concise.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose is clear, all three bullet points are covered, and the requested goods are specified, although a few demands sound overly forceful.
Soften requests such as the demand for discounts and specifications, and state the intended collection and holding arrangements more directly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The requests follow a generally understandable sequence, but presenting the entire letter as one block and misusing a contrast linker weaken cohesion.
Separate the opening, product and price enquiries, and collection request into distinct paragraphs with straightforward linking.
Lexical Resource
The letter uses a reasonably varied formal vocabulary and names the goods precisely, but several choices and collocations sound unnatural or are misused.
Replace phrases such as appraise me, on the contrary, and drop down with idiomatic alternatives such as let me know, if not, and visit.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the message clearly, though several awkward constructions and a missing auxiliary reduce accuracy.
Proofread complex requests for complete verb phrases, accurate articles and prepositions, and simpler clause structures.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You would like to buy some electrical goods at a shop in a nearby town. Write a letter to the shop. In your letter:
- ask whether the shop has the goods or can order them
- ask what the prices are
- ask how long the shop can hold the goods for you
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.