You would like to buy some electrical goods at a shop in a nearby town. Write a letter to the shop. In your letter: - ask whether the shop has the goods or can order them - ask what the prices are - ask how long the shop can hold the goods for you
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to inquire about some electronic goods that I want to purchase. Your shop has been recommended to me by a friend and he mentioned that you have a great variety of quality products and I am hoping to purchase them from you if you have the stock or can manage those for me. I want to purchase a Sony DVD player, a Samsung 3D television set, a Technics turntable, a blender and a radio with long wave capability. Do you have these items in stock, or if not, will you be able to order them for me? If you do have these items, how long would you be able to hold them for me? I am free this weekend and, if you have them, perhaps I can come over on Saturday morning to purchase and pick them up. However, before that, I am expecting a reply from you regarding the price and availability of those goods. Please write back to me as soon as possible at the above address or ring me at +85-8547120145. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Yours faithfully, Andrew Moore
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the task term Original: electronic Suggested revision: electrical Why it matters: “Electrical goods” better covers the full list, including the blender and turntable.
- 2. Set off the condition Original: or if not, will you Suggested revision: or, if not, will you Why it matters: Commas help separate the inserted condition from the main question.
- 3. Use direct future form Original: would Suggested revision: will Why it matters: The direct future form is clearer for asking about the shop’s actual holding period.
- 4. Keep a formal tone Original: come over on Saturday morning Suggested revision: visit the shop on Saturday morning Why it matters: “Visit the shop” is more precise and suitably formal for a business letter.
- 5. Clarify the reference Original: before that Suggested revision: before travelling to the shop Why it matters: The explicit reference makes the sequence of actions immediately clear.
- 6. Use courteous wording Original: I am expecting a reply from you Suggested revision: I would appreciate a reply from you Why it matters: This phrasing makes the request more courteous in a formal enquiry.
- 7. Use plural prices Original: the price and availability of those goods Suggested revision: the prices and availability of these goods Why it matters: Because several different products are listed, the request should ask for their “prices”.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: Your shop has been recommended to me by a friend and he mentioned that you have a great variety of quality products and I am hoping to purchase them from you if you have the stock or can manage those for me. Suggested revision: A friend recommended your shop because it offers a wide range of high-quality products, and I hope to purchase these items from you if they are in stock or can be ordered. Why it matters: The rewrite corrects the overextended coordination and the unnatural phrases about stock and ordering.
Suggested Rewrites
- electronic electrical
- or if not, will you or, if not, will you
- would will
- come over on Saturday morning visit the shop on Saturday morning
- before that before travelling to the shop
- I am expecting a reply from you I would appreciate a reply from you
Why this response received Band 7.5
The letter has a clear formal purpose, identifies the requested products precisely, and covers availability, ordering, price, and holding time in a courteous manner. The main limitation is that the response is presented as one uninterrupted paragraph and occasionally uses awkward or repetitive wording. The most valuable improvement would be to divide the requests into logical paragraphs and make the price enquiry more explicit for each item.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The letter achieves its purpose, maintains an appropriate formal tone, and addresses every required request with relevant detail.
Ask directly for the individual or total prices rather than referring more generally to a reply regarding "the price."
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a sensible sequence from the enquiry and product list to availability, collection, and contact details, but paragraphing is absent.
Group the introduction, product and price questions, holding arrangements, and closing into separate paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of precise product and enquiry vocabulary, though some wording is repetitive or unnatural.
Replace phrases such as "manage those for me" and repeated references to "items" or "goods" with more idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are handled confidently overall, with only occasional awkward reference and clause construction.
Shorten the long opening sentences and ensure pronouns such as "those" have clear, natural reference.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You would like to buy some electrical goods at a shop in a nearby town. Write a letter to the shop. In your letter:
- ask whether the shop has the goods or can order them
- ask what the prices are
- ask how long the shop can hold the goods for you
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.