You are looking for a part-time job. Write a letter to an employment agency. In your letter: - introduce yourself - explain what sort of job you would like - say what experience and skills you have
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I have heard a lot about your employment agency because of your dedicated service to help people find employment. So, I am hoping that you would also help me find a suitable part-time job. But, before anything else, let me introduce myself. I am currently living in Kuala Lumpur and have just finished my Master’s degree in travel and tourism management from the University of Malay. And, now I would like to work as a part-time employee at an established tourist information centre. Anyway, as far as my experience and skills are concerned, I have worked as a part-time customer service representative at a very busy and upscale 4-star hotel in the city where I am currently living now. Besides, I have also worked as a Cashier at a restaurant when I was finishing my Bachelor degree. Then, I can also speak the Chinese language, in addition to having great communication skills in English. So, based on my credentials and skills above, please help me find a suitable part-time job for me, preferably in the city where I am currently living now. Yours faithfully, Mohamed Zikri
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the noun pattern Original: dedicated service to help Suggested revision: dedicated service in helping Why it matters: 'Service' takes 'in' plus a gerund in this structure.
- 2. Form the request directly Original: So, I am hoping that you would Suggested revision: I hope that you can Why it matters: A current request uses the present form with 'can', without the unnecessary opening conjunction.
- 3. Use a formal transition Original: But Suggested revision: However Why it matters: A sentence-initial 'but' does not take this comma, and 'however' better suits the formal register.
- 4. Use academic qualification wording Original: have just finished my Master’s degree Suggested revision: have recently completed a master’s degree Why it matters: A degree is normally 'completed', and the generic degree name is not capitalised.
- 5. Remove the faulty opener Original: And, now I Suggested revision: I Why it matters: The conjunction and comma are unnecessary before this new statement.
- 6. Name the desired role Original: employee Suggested revision: role Why it matters: The applicant is seeking a position or role rather than describing an employee.
- 7. Introduce qualifications concisely Original: Anyway, as far as my experience and skills are concerned, Suggested revision: Regarding my experience and skills, Why it matters: The original transition is informal and unnecessarily wordy.
- 8. Refine the hotel description Original: a very busy and upscale 4-star hotel Suggested revision: a busy, upscale four-star hotel Why it matters: Coordinate adjectives need punctuation, and numbers below ten are usually written as words in formal prose.
- 9. Use a formal addition Original: Besides, Suggested revision: In addition, Why it matters: This is a more suitable transition in a formal application letter.
- 10. Use lowercase job title Original: Cashier Suggested revision: cashier Why it matters: A general job title is not capitalised.
- 11. Use a concise time clause Original: when I was finishing Suggested revision: while completing Why it matters: This is a more concise and natural way to describe concurrent study and work.
- 12. Use the possessive degree Original: Bachelor Suggested revision: bachelor’s Why it matters: The qualification takes the possessive form and is not capitalised generically.
Suggested Rewrites
- dedicated service to help dedicated service in helping
- So, I am hoping that you would I hope that you can
- But However
- have just finished my Master’s degree have recently completed a master’s degree
- And, now I I
- employee role
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter fully introduces the applicant, identifies a suitable tourism role, and supports the request with relevant customer-service experience and language skills. Its main weakness is presentation: the response is one block, uses conversational connectors mechanically, and repeats phrases such as "currently living now"; prioritise organising the material into purpose, qualifications, and request paragraphs and tightening redundant or informal wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose is clear and all three bullet points are fully developed with a preferred role, relevant qualifications, experience, skills, and location.
Refine the request by briefly stating preferred working hours or availability, while keeping the existing evidence concise.
Coherence and Cohesion
The content follows a logical introduction-qualification-request sequence, but the lack of paragraphs and repeated sentence-opening connectors make progression mechanical.
Create separate paragraphs for the request, desired role, and experience, and remove unnecessary openings such as "But," "Anyway," and "Then."
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is appropriate for employment and tourism, but several phrases are wordy, repetitive, or slightly inaccurate.
Use concise professional expressions such as "completed a Master's degree," "speak Chinese," and "based on my qualifications."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of structures communicates the application clearly, although conjunction placement, articles, possessives, and redundant adverbs need more control.
Avoid beginning formal sentences with unnecessary conjunctions and correct forms such as "Bachelor's degree" and "where I currently live."
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You are looking for a part-time job. Write a letter to an employment agency. In your letter:
- introduce yourself
- explain what sort of job you would like
- say what experience and skills you have
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.