You are looking for a part-time job. Write a letter to an employment agency. In your letter: - introduce yourself - explain what sort of job you would like - say what experience and skills you have
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
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Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I have heard a lot about your employment agency because of your dedicated service in helpingdedicated service to help people find employment. I hope that you canSo, I am hoping that you would also help me find a suitable part-time job. HoweverBut, before anything else, let me introduce myself. I am currently living in Kuala Lumpur and have recently completed a master’s degreehave just finished my Master’s degree in travel and tourism management from the University of Malay. IAnd, now I would like to work as a part-time roleemployee at an established tourist information centre. Regarding my experience and skills,Anyway, as far as my experience and skills are concerned, I have worked as a part-time customer service representative at a busy, upscale four-star hotela very busy and upscale 4-star hotel in the city where I am currently living now. In addition,Besides, I have also worked as a cashierCashier at a restaurant while completingwhen I was finishing my bachelor’sBachelor degree. In addition,Then, I can also speak Chinesethe Chinese language, in addition to having stronggreat communication skills in English. So, based on my qualifications described abovecredentials and skills above, please help me find a suitable part-time positionsuitable part-time job for me, preferably in Kuala Lumpurpreferably in the city where I am currently living now. Yours faithfully, Mohamed Zikri
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter fully introduces the applicant, identifies a suitable tourism role, and supports the request with relevant customer-service experience and language skills. Its main weakness is presentation: the response is one block, uses conversational connectors mechanically, and repeats phrases such as "currently living now"; prioritise organising the material into purpose, qualifications, and request paragraphs and tightening redundant or informal wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose is clear and all three bullet points are fully developed with a preferred role, relevant qualifications, experience, skills, and location.
Refine the request by briefly stating preferred working hours or availability, while keeping the existing evidence concise.
Coherence and Cohesion
The content follows a logical introduction-qualification-request sequence, but the lack of paragraphs and repeated sentence-opening connectors make progression mechanical.
Create separate paragraphs for the request, desired role, and experience, and remove unnecessary openings such as "But," "Anyway," and "Then."
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is appropriate for employment and tourism, but several phrases are wordy, repetitive, or slightly inaccurate.
Use concise professional expressions such as "completed a Master's degree," "speak Chinese," and "based on my qualifications."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of structures communicates the application clearly, although conjunction placement, articles, possessives, and redundant adverbs need more control.
Avoid beginning formal sentences with unnecessary conjunctions and correct forms such as "Bachelor's degree" and "where I currently live."