You are looking for a part-time job. Write a letter to an employment agency. In your letter: - introduce yourself - explain what sort of job you would like - say what experience and skills you have
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my interest to get registered with your employment agency as I am looking for a suitable part-time job. I am hoping you would enlist me in your database and notify me of suitable job announcements and forward my resume to prospective employers. I am Hansen Lee, an international student at the University of Westminster and my major is Business Administration. I am originally from Japan and will be staying in London for the next couple of years. To support my education cost and to gain some job experience, I am seeking a suitable part-time position. I can work as an administrative assistant, customer experience manager or as a salesperson in a retail shop. I can spare time from 4.30 pm onwards on weekdays and full-time on weekends. I have previously worked as a customer support officer in a call centre in Japan and as a sales executive in a superstore in London. I have attached my Curriculum Vitae with this letter for your kind consideration which further details my education and work experience. I look forward to hearing from you and getting the details process to register with your job agency. Thank you in advance. Yours faithfully, Hansen Lee
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix noun complement Original: interest to get registered Suggested revision: interest in registering Why it matters: The noun ‘interest’ takes ‘in’ followed by a gerund.
- 2. Use direct polite form Original: I am hoping you would Suggested revision: I hope you will Why it matters: The simple present and future form is clearer for a current formal request.
- 3. Use database collocation Original: enlist me in your database Suggested revision: add me to your database Why it matters: People are ‘added to’ a database; ‘enlist’ normally refers to recruitment into an organisation or service.
- 4. Use employment term Original: suitable job announcements Suggested revision: suitable vacancies Why it matters: Employment agencies notify candidates about vacancies rather than job announcements.
- 5. Introduce yourself naturally Original: I am Hansen Lee Suggested revision: My name is Hansen Lee Why it matters: ‘My name is’ is the conventional self-introduction in a formal letter.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: support my education cost Suggested revision: cover my educational expenses Why it matters: The natural phrase is ‘cover educational expenses’, usually in the plural.
- 7. Use standard term Original: job Suggested revision: work Why it matters: ‘Work experience’ is the conventional expression for employment-based experience.
- 8. Keep list parallel Original: or as a salesperson Suggested revision: or a salesperson Why it matters: The initial ‘as’ already applies to every occupation in the coordinated list.
- 9. State availability directly Original: I can spare time Suggested revision: I am available Why it matters: ‘Available’ is the standard term for stating working hours.
- 10. Use concise time range Original: from 4.30 pm onwards Suggested revision: after 4.30 pm Why it matters: ‘After’ conveys the starting point without the redundant combination ‘from’ and ‘onwards’.
- 11. Clarify weekend availability Original: full-time on weekends Suggested revision: throughout the weekends Why it matters: This states availability for full days without suggesting that the requested role itself becomes full-time.
- 12. Use standard capitalization Original: Curriculum Vitae Suggested revision: curriculum vitae Why it matters: The generic document name does not require initial capitals.
Suggested Rewrites
- interest to get registered interest in registering
- I am hoping you would I hope you will
- enlist me in your database add me to your database
- suitable job announcements suitable vacancies
- I am Hansen Lee My name is Hansen Lee
- support my education cost cover my educational expenses
Why this response received Band 6.5
The letter presents the applicant’s background, availability, preferred roles, and relevant work history in a clear professional context. Its main limitation is that the requested skills are not actually identified, while the unbroken paragraph and several awkward expressions reduce polish. Prioritise naming transferable skills supported by the stated experience—such as customer communication, administration, or sales—and organise the three bullet points into distinct paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The purpose, personal background, preferred roles, and experience are clear, but the required account of relevant skills is missing.
Explicitly identify two or three skills gained from the call-centre and retail roles and link them to the positions requested.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas progress logically through introduction, preferences, availability, and experience, but the entire letter is presented as one unbroken paragraph.
Use separate paragraphs for personal introduction, desired work and availability, and experience and skills before the closing request.
Lexical Resource
The response has adequate employment-related vocabulary, but several phrases are unnatural, including ‘enlist me in your database’, ‘education cost’, and ‘details process’.
Use standard expressions such as ‘register with your agency’, ‘support my studies’, ‘available from 4:30 p.m.’, and ‘registration process’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Most sentences are clear and a mix of structures is used, although verb patterns, articles, coordination, and relative-clause control are occasionally faulty.
Correct patterns such as ‘interest in registering’, clarify the relative clause about the CV, and revise the final request into a complete natural construction.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You are looking for a part-time job. Write a letter to an employment agency. In your letter:
- introduce yourself
- explain what sort of job you would like
- say what experience and skills you have
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.