You are looking for a part-time job. Write a letter to an employment agency. In your letter: - introduce yourself - explain what sort of job you would like - say what experience and skills you have
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I have heard about your employment agency from my friend who recently got a two-year work placement at a Japanese company, courtesy of your wonderful efforts. Not to mention, of course, after hearing the success story from my friend, I have also decided to reach you and request you find a suitable part-time job for me. To introduce myself a little, I am a Greek national and currently studying at a university as a final-year student, majoring in Accounting Information Systems, here in Montreal. My current GPA is 3.5 if it really matters. As for what sort of job I want, an office job, preferably as an Accounting Clerk or Data Entry Operator would be a very ideal one. I should also have no problem working as a part-time Office Administrator, provided that the schedules, I am offered, do not conflict with my class schedules. Now regarding my experience and skills, I have a very good typing speed, and I am very much computer literate. Besides, I am also good at multitasking, and I can speak little French, other than having a very good fluency in the English language.
I hope you would help me find a part-time job as soon as possible. Thank you in advance. Yours faithfully, Zoe Laskari
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural contact verb Original: reach Suggested revision: contact Why it matters: Contact is the natural verb for approaching an employment agency.
- 2. Correct request structure Original: request you find Suggested revision: ask you to find Why it matters: Ask someone to do something is the correct structure here.
- 3. Use formal transition Original: To introduce myself a little Suggested revision: By way of introduction Why it matters: The revised transition introduces the personal details more smoothly and formally.
- 4. Keep a professional tone Original: if it really matters Suggested revision: if this information is relevant Why it matters: The original aside sounds dismissive in a formal request to an agency.
- 5. Remove absolute intensifier Original: very ideal Suggested revision: ideal Why it matters: Ideal already expresses the highest degree and does not take very naturally here.
- 6. Remove intrusive commas Original: the schedules, I am offered, Suggested revision: the schedules I am offered Why it matters: The defining clause is essential to the noun phrase and should not be enclosed by commas.
- 7. Use natural intensifier Original: very much computer literate Suggested revision: highly computer-literate Why it matters: Highly is the natural intensifier, and the compound adjective should be hyphenated.
- 8. Express some ability Original: little French Suggested revision: a little French Why it matters: A little means some ability, whereas little suggests almost none.
- 9. Link parallel skills Original: other than having Suggested revision: and have Why it matters: And links the two language abilities directly and avoids the illogical contrast.
- 10. Use future form Original: would Suggested revision: will Why it matters: Will is the appropriate form for a hoped-for future response.
- 11. Use natural expression Original: about Suggested revision: of Why it matters: Heard of is the more natural expression for becoming aware of an agency.
- 12. Moderate the praise Original: courtesy of your wonderful efforts Suggested revision: with your agency's assistance Why it matters: The revision keeps the compliment while using a more measured professional tone.
Suggested Rewrites
- reach contact
- request you find ask you to find
- To introduce myself a little By way of introduction
- if it really matters if this information is relevant
- very ideal ideal
- the schedules, I am offered, the schedules I am offered
Why this response received Band 7.0
The writer fully addresses the request with a clear self-introduction, specific job preferences, and a useful account of relevant skills, all in a generally professional letter. The main limitation is that several expressions and punctuation choices sound awkward or overly conversational, reducing precision and fluency. The highest priority is to replace these strained phrases with concise, natural business English and edit comma placement carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All three bullet points are clearly covered with relevant detail, although 'if it really matters' is slightly unsuitable for a formal agency letter.
Maintain a consistently professional tone by presenting qualifications directly and removing dismissive asides.
Coherence and Cohesion
The letter follows a clear sequence from background to job preferences, skills, and request, with generally effective linking.
Divide the long main paragraph into focused sections and avoid mechanical transitions such as 'Now regarding.'
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied enough for the topic, but collocations such as 'reach you,' 'a very ideal one,' and 'a very good fluency' are unnatural.
Use concise professional phrasing such as 'contact you,' 'an ideal role,' and 'fluent in English.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response shows a good range of sentence structures, but unnecessary commas and some article and construction errors recur.
Remove commas that separate essential sentence elements and refine forms such as 'speak a little French' and 'request that you find.'
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You are looking for a part-time job. Write a letter to an employment agency. In your letter:
- introduce yourself
- explain what sort of job you would like
- say what experience and skills you have
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.