Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?
Sample Response
I think that everyone can divide all advertising products and services into useless ones and useful ones. It is like looking through an information desk when you pay attention to those messages that interest you. Take me for example.
I do not like jewellery. It does not mean I do not have it at all, I have a couple of inexpensive rings as gifts from my parents. I just think people pay too much attention to this stuff. I believe it is the result of mass advertising. Every day when I am watching TV, listening to the radio or reading the paper I notice many ads about getting an expensive ring, chain, necklace or earrings. From my point of view, these kinds of advertising contaminate people's minds. In this case, you are encouraged to buy things you do not really need. They make you believe you need such products in order to succeed or be happy.
From the other side, I think that advertisements of the new detergents with up-to-date formulas to help you maintain your cloth in perfect conditions, the new cars with some extra futures that make your travelling more comfortable and sports goods that make your life healthier may help you to improve your life.
Recently my husband and I saw an ad on the Internet about a very interesting and inexpensive vacation to Japan for a week. Is not it awesome? We like travelling. So now we are planning to find out more about it and, maybe, make reservations. I believe that, without advertisements, we would be unaware about plenty of opportunities that may make our life happier, easier and less stressful.
My point is that every person has his own scale of values. So if he is vegetarian he will consider an ad about meat products useless for him.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct modifier Original: advertising Suggested revision: advertised Why it matters: Use the past participle to describe products and services that are being advertised.
- 2. Use formal wording Original: this stuff Suggested revision: jewellery Why it matters: The specific noun is more precise and appropriately formal for an academic essay.
- 3. Use simple present Original: when I am watching Suggested revision: when I watch Why it matters: A repeated activity introduced by “Every day” requires the simple present here.
- 4. Separate opening clause Original: reading the paper I notice Suggested revision: reading the paper, I notice Why it matters: A comma is needed after the introductory time clause before the main clause.
- 5. Improve ad collocation Original: ads about getting Suggested revision: ads promoting Why it matters: Advertisements promote products rather than being about the act of getting them.
- 6. Make list parallel Original: an expensive ring, chain, necklace or earrings Suggested revision: expensive rings, chains, necklaces or earrings Why it matters: Use consistent plural nouns for the general list of jewellery items.
- 7. Fix noun agreement Original: these kinds of advertising Suggested revision: this kind of advertising Why it matters: The uncountable noun “advertising” takes the singular expression “this kind of.”
- 8. Clarify the result Original: In this case Suggested revision: As a result Why it matters: This connector states the cause-and-effect relationship with the preceding claim more clearly.
- 9. Keep pronouns consistent Original: you Suggested revision: people Why it matters: Maintain the paragraph’s general third-person reference instead of shifting to the reader.
- 10. Clarify the subject Original: They make you believe Suggested revision: Such advertisements make people believe Why it matters: A specific subject and consistent third-person reference remove ambiguity and pronoun shifting.
- 11. Use standard contrast Original: From the other side Suggested revision: On the other hand Why it matters: “On the other hand” is the standard connector for introducing the contrasting perspective.
- 12. Use correct preposition Original: advertisements of the new detergents Suggested revision: advertisements for new detergents Why it matters: Use “advertisements for” when naming the products being promoted.
Suggested Rewrites
- advertising advertised
- this stuff jewellery
- when I am watching when I watch
- reading the paper I notice reading the paper, I notice
- ads about getting ads promoting
- an expensive ring, chain, necklace or earrings expensive rings, chains, necklaces or earrings
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is strongest when it uses concrete personal examples to show how advertising can both manufacture desire and reveal useful opportunities. Its main limitation is that the qualified position—that usefulness depends on individual values—is only fully stated at the end and is not developed into a sustained answer to which viewpoint is preferred. State that position explicitly in the introduction and organise each example around proving it.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both views with relevant examples and reaches a qualified position, but that position is implicit for much of the essay and the final generalisation is only briefly developed.
State the conditional position in the introduction and explain more fully how personal values determine whether advertising creates unnecessary wants or useful awareness.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph sequence is logical and the examples progress clearly, although some transitions are awkward and the conclusion does not fully consolidate the preceding argument.
Use more natural linking between the contrasting cases and make the conclusion explicitly connect both examples to the central position.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, with effective choices such as “contaminate people's minds” and “scale of values,” but several inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce precision.
Improve collocational accuracy by replacing phrases such as “advertising products,” “maintain your cloth,” “extra futures,” and “unaware about” with natural alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly, but recurring article, punctuation, agreement, and question-form errors prevent consistently strong control.
Proofread sentence boundaries and fixed grammatical patterns, especially comma splices, article use, plural agreement, and inverted questions such as “Isn't it awesome?”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.