Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?
Sample Response
The purpose of advertising is to tell the consumer about any new product or service or any new promotion on the existing product and service. We need it so we can make good decisions when we go shopping. Advertising tells us when new and improved products become available and lets us know which ones have the best price. Through advertisements, we learn about new products. For example, many grocery stores now sell prepackaged lunches. These are very convenient for busy parents. They can give these lunches to their children to take to school. Busy parents don’t have time to look at every item on the store shelf, so without advertisements, they might not know about such a convenient new product. Even products we are familiar with may be improved, and advertising lets us know about this. Most people use cell phones, but new types of cell phone service become available all the time. There are different plans that give you more hours to talk on the phone, you can send text messages and photos, and next week probably some even newer type of service will be available. By watching advertisements on TV it is easy to find out about new improvements to all kinds of products. Advertisements keep us informed about prices. Prices change all the time, but everyone can look at the ads in the newspaper and see what the latest prices are. Advertisements also inform us about sales. In fact, some people buy the newspaper only in order to check the prices and plan their weekly shopping. Advertisements improve our lives by keeping us informed about the latest products developments and the best prices. Advertisements serve a useful purpose.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise formal verb Original: tell the consumer Suggested revision: inform consumers Why it matters: “Inform consumers” is more concise and suits the general reference.
- 2. Use general plurals Original: any new product or service Suggested revision: new products or services Why it matters: Plural nouns fit the general purpose of advertising more naturally.
- 3. Correct promotion phrase Original: any new promotion on the existing product and service Suggested revision: promotions for existing products and services Why it matters: Promotions are offered for products and services, not on a single generic product and service.
- 4. Use plural prices Original: price Suggested revision: prices Why it matters: The plural agrees with the reference to multiple products.
- 5. Clarify the reference Original: These are very convenient Suggested revision: These products are very convenient Why it matters: Naming the referent makes the connection to prepackaged lunches explicit.
- 6. Use precise term Original: new types of cell phone service Suggested revision: new mobile phone plans Why it matters: “Mobile phone plans” precisely describes the services discussed in the next sentence.
- 7. Remove redundancy Original: new improvements Suggested revision: improvements Why it matters: An improvement is inherently new, so the adjective is redundant.
- 8. Correct noun modifier Original: products Suggested revision: product Why it matters: The singular noun “product” functions correctly as a modifier of “developments.”
- 9. Clarify alternatives Original: and Suggested revision: or Why it matters: “Or” distinguishes newly launched products from existing products that have been improved.
- 10. Use natural connector Original: Through Suggested revision: From Why it matters: The replacement expresses the source of the information more naturally.
- 11. Refine retail wording Original: every item on the store shelf Suggested revision: every product on store shelves Why it matters: The revision uses a more precise noun and a natural general plural.
- 12. Tighten the reference Original: such a convenient new product Suggested revision: this convenient product Why it matters: The demonstrative creates a direct link to the prepackaged lunches already mentioned.
Suggested Rewrites
- tell the consumer inform consumers
- any new product or service new products or services
- any new promotion on the existing product and service promotions for existing products and services
- price prices
- These are very convenient These products are very convenient
- new types of cell phone service new mobile phone plans
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear endorsement of advertising's informative value and develops it with accessible examples about food, phone services, prices, and sales. Its major weakness is presentation as one unbroken paragraph, which obscures the otherwise sensible progression, while some repetition limits stylistic flexibility; the priority is to group the argument into distinct paragraphs with focused topic sentences and a concise conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear viewpoint is sustained and supported through several relevant explanations and examples of advertising's practical benefits.
State the chosen viewpoint explicitly near the beginning and briefly contrast it with the alternative to sharpen the response to the choice.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence of ideas is easy to follow, but the complete absence of paragraph breaks significantly weakens organisation and visual progression.
Divide the response into an introduction, focused body paragraphs on products and prices, and a separate conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is clear and appropriate, with enough range for the topic, though repeated references to advertisements and products reduce flexibility.
Use more precise alternatives such as promotions, consumer information, updated services, and price comparisons while correcting inaccurate word combinations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Most sentences are accurate and varied, and complex structures are handled effectively despite a few agreement, article, and run-on errors.
Revise comma-linked independent clauses and check singular-plural forms to improve control in the longer sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.