In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.
Sample Response
Our ancestors didn't live more than 50-60 years. In the last centuries the life expectancy had been about 50-55 years and now it is 60-70 years in developed countries. In Norway for example, it is more than 80 years for women. The question is that "Is this it a gaining or draining for humans being to live longer?" The increase of life expectancy has two negative consequences. It affects a person’s experience of life in his/her last years, and it also is a burden on the society in several ways. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both.
There are many factors that affect the length of our lives. Thanks to the scientific developments, medical achievements and increasing life quality in the last decades, life expectancy has raised from what it had been before. People are more concerned and informed about their health and we tend to seek help from doctors more than before. At the same time, access to medical help is easier than ever. Diseases are discovered and diagnosed more precisely and quickly and the treatments are more effective. Since elderly people are more frail and fragile, the incidence of diseases is higher among them. Hence, more resources like money and manpower should be used to keep older people on feet.
Furthermore, in my opinion, the rise of life expectancy is the quantitative measurement of life. Age is a number and it does not depict all the aspects of life. The quality of life is significantly reduced the older we become. Elderly people are usually struggling with both mental and physical problems and often they have a solitude and sorrowful life in the last years of their life. The life expectancy has increased quantitatively, but in my opinion not qualitatively enough! We should help people to live longer, and more importantly better. To conclude, I believe that to live longer can be a gaining if we can help elderly to live a peaceful and valuable life as well. Of course, it will burden the society in several ways, but the society is nothing without the people in it.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Formal style Original: didn't live more than Suggested revision: did not live longer than Why it matters: Avoid contractions and use a more natural comparison.
- 2. Time phrase Original: In the last centuries Suggested revision: In past centuries Why it matters: This is the natural time expression.
- 3. Tense error Original: had been about 50-55 years Suggested revision: was about 50-55 years Why it matters: Use simple past for a completed past period.
- 4. Question framing Original: The question is that Suggested revision: The question is whether Why it matters: Whether introduces the indirect question correctly.
- 5. Incorrect question Original: Is this it a gaining or draining Suggested revision: this is a gain or a burden Why it matters: The original question form is ungrammatical and informal.
- 6. Word form Original: humans being Suggested revision: human beings Why it matters: Use the plural noun human beings.
- 7. Inclusive phrasing Original: in his/her last years Suggested revision: in later life Why it matters: This is more natural and avoids clumsy pronoun marking.
- 8. Word order Original: it also is a burden Suggested revision: it is also a burden Why it matters: This is the standard adverb position.
- 9. Verb choice Original: life expectancy has raised Suggested revision: life expectancy has risen Why it matters: Rise is intransitive; raise needs an object.
- 10. Missing determiner Original: to keep older people on feet Suggested revision: to keep older people on their feet Why it matters: The fixed phrase requires their.
- 11. Unclear phrase Original: quantitative measurement of life Suggested revision: a quantitative measure of life span Why it matters: This expresses the idea more accurately.
- 12. Comparative structure Original: The quality of life is significantly reduced the older we become Suggested revision: Quality of life often declines as people become older Why it matters: The rewrite is clearer and less absolute.
Suggested Rewrites
- didn't live more than did not live longer than
- In the last centuries In past centuries
- had been about 50-55 years was about 50-55 years
- The question is that The question is whether
- Is this it a gaining or draining this is a gain or a burden
- humans being human beings
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay discusses problems caused by longer life expectancy, especially healthcare burden and reduced quality of life. However, it gives almost no concrete measures to reduce the impact, so one key part of the task is underdeveloped.
Add a full solutions paragraph covering healthcare planning, later retirement, community care, and support for healthy ageing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has visible paragraphs and a generally logical movement, but it spends too much space on background about why life expectancy increased instead of answering the two task questions.
Make each body paragraph correspond to the task: problems for society, problems for individuals, and measures.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is often effective, with phrases such as life expectancy, medical achievements, resources, and quality of life. Some word choices are unnatural or overly rhetorical.
Use precise terms such as ageing population, healthcare costs, social isolation, public resources, and preventive care.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts complex grammar and is usually understandable, but tense, article, and sentence-structure errors are frequent.
Use present perfect for changes up to now and avoid question forms embedded awkwardly in statements.